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Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Ten tips for a Comfortable and Confident 'You' this Thanksgiving!

It’s that time of the year again... When glasses are overflowing and Christmas nibbles can add up.  I hated the Holiday Season for most of my adult life. Okay, I hated the Holidays for twenty years to be exact. Yes I enjoyed exchanging gifts and spending time with family and friends, and of course, having time off of school or work... But Holiday parties were my worst nightmare. I was already overweight, uncomfortable in my clothes, and used to unbuttoning my jeans after meals all the time (not that this is any excuse, but back in the day- stretchy denim did not exist!).

I yearned to 'look good' and 'feel good' when reconnecting with friends and fam’ at Holiday gatherings. Throughout my twenties, I dreamt of wearing a skin-tight mini dress for New Years Eve, but lacked the courage to do so, due to my low self-esteem and awful body image. This coupled with over indulging/eating/drinking/smoking through the months of November and December- made for a fifteen-twenty pounds heavier version of me by the New Year. Sigh. Okay, the above is a visit into my past. Now I’m older and wiser. Now I know no matter how much I weigh, if I want to wear the dress, I will wear the dress, and I will rock it! It’s all about confidence and loving yourself where you at, right NOW.

Even though I over indulged for most of my life, the past three years have been completely different for me, partly due to the fact that for three years in a row 2010-2013, I did a series of intensive fasting through the month of October each year. The first year I fasted for two weeks, then twenty-one days, and the final year I almost made it to thirty days, but ended on the twenty-eighth evening. During these fasts, I ate clean foods, just a lot less than normal. This left my stomach so small, that there was no way I could eat how I used to afterwards.

There is irony though. I lost a lot of weight- real quick through fasting, and I do not recommend long term intensive fasting unless you have a divine guidance to do so, plus proper guidelines for correct health and nutrition while on your fast.

I did have divine guidance to fast, so I do not regret it. It was a very spiritual pursuit I followed with my fasts, which you can read about at one of my other blogs Confessions of a Spiritual Apprentice

Okay, all of this said- I weighed between 175/185 lbs when I started these trinity of fasts. I lost so much weight during each fast, I went down to 150lbs, three years in a row, then gained it all back- three years in a row... It is only in this past sixteen months that I have found a balanced lifestyle that I can sustain, and that sustains me and my bodyweight. My intensive fasting left me with loose skin that I thought I might only be dealing with after the age of sixty, not forty. This has been my physics project; to re-enliven the elastin and collagen in my skin, and love my body just the way it is. Ahhh- there is hope. Read my blog entitled A Vegetarian on Gelatin. Taking gelatin in my protein drinks after working out has certainly helped to rejuvenate my skin tone. If you are seeking more tools to enhance your beautiful body, check out my video entitled Love the Skin you're In. 

Ten Tips for a Comfortable and Confident You

Check out my Top Ten Tips below for feeling good in your body this Thanksgiving- and beyond. 
Really, these are great guidelines for any body, any time of the year! Lets go-

First and foremost....
Pause and give thanks- to your beautiful body for its vital health, and for the blessing of abundance you will share in the form of food and company this Holiday Season <3

(1) Work out/ do yoga/ go hiking/ get your heart rate up/ break a sweat- and do not eat too much at all the day of Thanksgiving. If anything, have your after workout protein and avoid eating too much bread and thick filling appetizers before the feast! Knowing you will be lounging for about six hours over the day, do yourself a favor and get out for some exercise before hand. Your will be soooooo friggin happy you did so, and it will help your body digest all of the lovely yummies you will enjoy later.

(2) Don’t ‘dis’ your workout routine. You are not too busy to workout. Yes this is a Jedi mind trick. And, you are welcome. This IS your routine. Move your schedule around so you can get ‘you’ in. Ask friends and family to help organize plans for the day so you can get your sweat on. If classes are stopped at your local gym due to a Holiday schedule, or you have to skip because Aunt Mimi is coming to town- you better get out your favorite ‘at home’ workout dvd, or go for a long challenging uphill hike/run, or get out that jump-rope and do some drills and crunches.

(3) I’m gonna tell you straight. Get your gut in order! Go now and purchase ‘acidophilus’ or some kind of probiotic (from any local drug store- I recommend Natures Bounty Probiotic or Trader Joes Acidophilus) and start taking them NOW (take twice or three times as much as the bottle says- every day through the new year.. and get into the habit of taking probiotics regularly. This will aid in a clearer skin complexion, a boosted immune system, and wooopie... A regular bowel movement- Hallelujah! After years of being constipated, and thinking it was ‘normal’ not to have a BM for a couple days at a time... Now I live to poop! Hehe :) There is nothing worse than attending the Thanksgiving meal and feeling like you are already bloated due to constipation or because of eating too much the day before. Get regular with your BM’s and make room for a flowing digestive tract.

(4) Chew your food for better digestion. It doesn’t matter if everyone around you is digging in and inhaling their food. What matters is that you are enjoying the flavors of your meal and chewing so much that the food you eat begins to break down in your mouth before even getting to your stomach and intestines. This will help you digest better and faster overall, and it will help to avoid bloating and gas- from above and below! 

(5) Don’t eat until you feel full. If you have to unbutton your pants half way through your meal, or at the end of it- you’ve gone too far. Don’t eat until you feel full. Period. Eat until you feel satisfied.

(6) Eat a half-sized meal at the dinner table. You can always go back for more. It is better to have a little of everything, rather than a lot of everything. This way you can try dishes out to see if you like what someone may have brought for the dinner before you commit to a serving of ‘mustard seed sweet potatoes', for instance. Even if it’s all the same old hits this Thanksgiving- do yourself a favor and start with smaller portions. Savor and enjoy each bite, knowing you can always go back for more a little later.

(7) Let yourself digest ‘part one’. Most of us will indeed have seconds this Thanksgiving... Let yourself take your time. Do not feel rushed by your sever. Often folks who ‘host’ are in high gear, readily wanting to dish out all the delights on offer, and rush you to eat more before you are ready to.  YOU set the pace. If they really feel the need to clear the table before you’ve treated yourself to part two, so be it. Just get a clean plate and start fresh later, rather than stuffing in more food before you’ve had a chance to digest a bit. You will be happy you did so.

(8) If you don’t like it, don’t eat it. Why do we feel like we have to eat something just because someone we know made it? If you don’t dig the heavily larded toenail-apple pie your Uncle brought, or the fish-juice potatoes your Aunt Maude made, gracefully leave it on your plate so you can enjoy something else in its place later.

(9) Enjoy your pie! Okay, after the toenail metaphor, this might be hard to stomach- haha-. I say, if you are gonna go for it, go for it! Have either a full slice of pie, or two/three slim mini-sized pieces if you want to try all of them!

(10) Get your fam’ and friends to join you for a after dinner walk, either before or after pie time. Even if its only for a couple of blocks, see it as an opportunity to stretch your legs and get some fresh air.. Perhaps catch up with that long lost family member you’ve always been curious about! An after dinner walk helps foster a better digestion.

Okay Beautiful Bodies, I am sending you love and light this Thanksgiving.. And for all of our over seas friends, may you enjoy a blessed and cozy end of November. Remember, you can use any of these guidelines, any time of the year.

With love,

Friday, October 31, 2014

Don't be hard on yourself when your workout routine changes

You workout to give yourself love.
You workout to have some alone time.
You workout to practice loving your Beautiful Body.
You workout to sculpt, tighten and tone...To build muscle and see results.

But what happens when your workout schedule changes and your exercise flow is disrupted? When your routine begins to change, does your energy shift?... When you miss your favorite class, not once, but twice, and then three times... do you feel your bod' begin to change? Does how you see yourself begin to shift? Can you keep instilling loving thoughts to your Beautiful Body, or do you start on the negatory, feeling like everything you've worked for is literally going downhill?

This is a crucial crossroads we may find ourselves at one time or another in life, and along the path of attaining a regular workout schedule. Where there was self-praise, growing confidence and a growing ember of self love, can come self-criticism and perhaps, a shift back into bad habits and self loathing.

Because your workout routine may have slipped for a week or two, or three, or even four!!!... You may have decided to loosen up your diet too. Where you had crafted the skill to say NO to certain foods, and only have them as rewards or on special occasions, you are now indulging regularly and feeling the change this causes in your physical, mental and emotional bodies too.

Stop the Hate

Recently my workout schedule completely changed. If it wasn't one thing, it was another. First I got a cold- not a heavy duty flu or anything, just the sniffles and that crappy feeling that drained my energy completely for a whole week. Just as I was feeling better and ready to embark on getting back to my workout routine, my period came. Now, I can't stop teaching Body Sculpt Classes just because I get the sniffles or have my monthly visitor, so I was at least doing my classes a couple times a week. And just because I get my period doesn't generally mean I stop working out altogether- though I will allow myself a couple down days to relax and eat whatever I desire! All of this said; once in a blue 'moon' I will get atrocious cramps and super low energy during my cycle. This round was exactly that. So I sucked it up and just rolled with it- feeling bloated, emotional and grumpy. Ughhh- Week two of no working out.

As my period ended, I began to see the light, becoming excited once again to get back into my routine- feeling my body begin to loose it's tightness, I couldn't wait to get back into my Callanetics, and 'after class extra workout regimen' at the gym. As I was getting prepared to get back into my flow, my lower back went out. Arghhhh!!! I was so upset! "Okay Universe, what are you trying to tell me?" I became so annoyed with my body. "Why is this happening to me?" I screamed. Walking to work I had to hold my posture just so, to take the pressure off my lower back. My face contorted with grief as other areas of my body compensated for the pain I felt. I had to wear a heat patch while instructing and couldn't wait to get home and cry.

Distorted Vision
I got home with my aching back and took a shower. Making my way to bed I glanced at my body in the mirror. Three weeks of not working out has surely taken its toll, I thought to myself. I had got back into the habit of  bombarding my mind and body with negative thinking and got into a lazy habit of talking down to myself. With all of this down talk, I was sure what to expect looking back at me in the mirror- a haggard, bloated lady. As I looked in the mirror I saw cellulite and all the usual suspects I expect to see- looking back at me. (Isn't it true, we automatically see the parts of ourselves we have learned to hate or think are not perfect- instead of praising ourselves for learning to love ourselves more, and for all the work we have poured into maintaining a routine.) Yep, my negative self talk is confirmed.. I thought to myself. I scowled at my reflection and only saw the 'ugly' parts of myself. Missing out on my workouts has left my body gross and dare I say it... 'fat'. I thought to myself.

But just then something happened. I could not surrender to entertaining so much self hate, after all of the hard work I have done to get healthy, happy and love my body just the way it is. After all- this IS what I preach and teach. So now I get to walk the talk. I turned back to the mirror and like a fog that slowly faded, I saw through layers of self loathing... Yes my body felt and appeared 'softer',  but no I had not 'lost' all the hard work I had clocked up over the past couple years, at all. I allowed my eyes to gaze over a wider expanse of my body- beyond the usual suspects of cellulite and loose skin around my chunky juicy inner thighs. While I used to be obsessed with weighing myself, I do my best not to get caught in that trap. That said, I hit the scales and saw I had gained five pounds- gasp! That said- I noticed my butt did not sink back to my ankles and the general tone of my muscles was still present through my skin. Sure, my tummy had softened a bit- but for all of my negative thinking and feeling, I was still in good shape. I let myself off the hook, crawled into bed and lay my hands upon my lower back to help its healing process.

Switch Your Thinking
One final week of not working out, and I'm feeling even worse about my body. But it's another trap! I realized how much I identify with my body... and not always in the healthiest ways. I am not my body!!! We, all of us are sooo much more than just a physical form! 'Knowing' this on a spiritual level I still find myself feeling like; "If it (my body) looks and feels tight, I am happy", "If it looks and feels soft, I am sad." Whoa- what an amazing realization to make. How can I be so identified with this one dimension of myself? I prayed "Let me remember that I am more than my body and be grateful for its perfect health.." (even though I was healing my back, had gone through a cold and a 'crampy' period- I opted for the light!). I had to turn my thinking around and focus on the positive instead of the negative. The body hears everything you think and say about it, and responds accordingly. Tell yourself you are ugly and sick, and your cels will begin to believe it- and make that the reality. Tell yourself you are healthy and beautiful, and your cels will begin to respond in amazing ways. I had to go back in time and erase an almost months worth of debilitating statements I had recited over and over unto myself and replace them with love <3

Love is the Answer
It's so easy to be hard on ourselves, when what we need is more love, more patience and allowance to go through whatever the body/mind/emotions> 'LIFE' needs to traverse. As I have come out the other end, and am getting back into my workout routine, I now see many aspects of my life were changing over that month of 'set backs'. (1) I am leaving a job I have had for nearly ten years, (2) I have been letting go of many limiting beliefs in other areas of my life, and (3) I am talking wedding dates with my fiance... Woop!

We forget that as we shift our thinking, jobs, and relationships, our internal landscape shifts too. My body was reflecting all of the changes I was setting up in my life. As yours most likely would too. It is okay to allow time and space, patience and grace with your body and life. I love my life and I love my Beautiful Body. Remember when you are going through major transitions and your workout routine changes- be patient with yourself and keep choosing love over negative self talk. Love is like a muscle, we get to exercise it just as much as we do our crunches and squats! Now that I am getting back on a roll, I see the time I had to reflect and be still is serving a much larger pattern in my life. I had to slow down on many levels so that things could speed up and take off in wonderful ways!

Choose Love, Choose Love, Choose Love, even if you forget and slip back into old patterns, you can always come back to Choosing Love.


Saturday, October 11, 2014

Comparison is a Confidence Killer

The best way to deplete Self Confidence is to compare our selves to others.

Feeling confident is a choice. 
Self Love equals confidence. 
What patterns destroy your confidence?

When we are aligned in love, we love ourselves just as we are, and float on that wave of confidence.

When you reside in Self Love, you allow others to be in their power too, so there are no power struggles, no comparisons- only the neutral quality of love.

When you are in the space of love, nothing can touch you. 
Start with Self Love as the baseline. It can be one of the hardest places to begin. But comparing ourselves to others is the death of self confidence. There will be no room for YOU left inside the domain of yourself, if you continually fill the space of your mind with thoughts of others. That eventually triggers your emotions to believe what you see in your mind is the truth, when in fact its not. There is no comparing you to anyone else.

Work through patterns that destroy self love.
We've all been maked by the past, we all have pain. It is work to continually heal ourselves, to choose the high road, to change the energy consciously. It is work and you can do the work.

Even the 'the most attractive person' will find someone in the crowd to compare themselves to.  I strongly believe that comparing ourselves to others is what causes anxiety, depression, fear and insecurity.

You look at someone who seems to have it all together... the looks, the talent, the ability... You don't know their story- or where their 'stretch marks' are hidden. We show our best face forward. What it looks like on the outside is not always what it looks like on the inside... Listening to NPR recently I heard a Doctor speak about a study that claimed 50 million people in America were diagnosed with Anxiety this year. 

Anxiety stems from over thinking... And mostly thinking of imagined scenarios in your head. If you are suffering over imagined scenarios, and not aligning with the present moment.. you will be certainly pulled out of your personal power and the natural stream of self confidence that resides when you relax into the authentic self you truly are, free of comparison and free to let yourself be. If this is the power of the mind, what could be experience if it was switched?... If we used the same energy to cultivate self love and self acceptance?

When I come out of being depressed, I realize the loops of comparison I had been drowning in. Today I woke up thinking about how much happier I'd be- if I stopped comparing myself to others. I mean, just how much of our personal power becomes drained due to giving confidence away to others through the time we spend thinking about how much more beautiful/talented/powerful they are in comparison to ourselves?

The mind can be the cause of our sorrow.
"I'm not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, sexy enough, thin enough, talented enough..." The list goes on. These negatory thoughts do little to pump up our self confidence, in effect, we are giving our confidence away to strangers on TV, in Magazines, or to people we don't even know in public places, or worse yet, those we do know in our circles. 

Thinking that we know what others are thinking about us is another confidence killer. Here we are thinking too much about ourselves. It blocks the real essence of any kind of natural exchange between yourself and another, or your environment. Get out of your head and into your power.

 If we do not consciously navigate the thread of self comparison, it can lead us to feeling unworthy, anxiety ridden and down right depressed. 

So how long are you gonna rent out space to all those comparing thoughts?

Be strong and be true to you.

Sunday, September 21, 2014

'Tummy Hugs'- A Mini Workout Video

Hello Friends!
I am stoked to announce the release of my book  Confessions of a Spiritual Apprentice. If weight gain & loss, abuse, bullying, insecurity, finding your voice, self healing, adventure, world travel, spirituality and empowerment are of interest to you- pop over and give my book a whirl... You can read the first several pages for free! It embodies my personal story of triumph against the odds. The Amazon reviews are raw and powerful- check it out today! - *Standby for the pre-holiday sale of my book for Kindle, which can be read on Android and IPhones.

On another note, I am taking a moment before compiling the final part (4) of the Divine Feminine blog Series, so I can bring you this lil exercise video below titled 'Tummy Hugs'.

As we work towards loving and embracing ourselves and bodies more, we may find certain areas require more finessing and focused attention. Wether that finessing or focused attention be specifically targeted to 'working' the physical body, or through our mental lenses of cultivating more self-love... All of it takes work. I spent the better part of my life 'hating on' my body, and my body reflected  all those negatory vibrations. While I've had several flights of up-liftment, and expanded feelings of self-love- I have always come crashing back down to depression and self hate, up until the past two years. Something has finally shifted, like, for real. Now, even if I get down and depressed, I no longer feel the need to over-eat to stuff my feelings down, as I had before. All of this said, Learning to 'love on' our bodies instead of 'hating on' our bodies is a big step. But big steps can be taken in a bunch of smaller steps!

It is such a balance, to 'be in the body' and 'love on' the body without being too identified by it, or letting it be the cause of your happy or unhappiness. Having some issues around this come up? Check out my post  You Are Not You're Body

Though I do a good job at hiding it, I have some serious loose skin that has sent me on an adventure of trying out all sorts of crazy processes to see if tightening would ensue. While I attempt to find natural ways to ensure my skin will bounce back after gaining and loosing  weight so many times, plus aging (yes your skin and body requires a lil more creativity to keep it glowin as you age!)  I must say that dry brushing, using Aztec body clay and castor oil (palma christi) and or shea butter have brought new life to cellulite ridden, dull lifeless skin. Check out  my post plus video entitled Love the Skin You're in. I look forward to writing a blog on cellulite too- so check back in for that one...

Im 42 years old now- and for years, my sliding scale of weight gain and loss was between 30-60 lbs on average. What? Oh Yeah, its true- and it may be for you too. I have done some drastic fasting for spiritual pursuits, that I now see have really eaten away my bodies natural elastin that generally allows skin to have that 'bounce back'. Three years in a row I did drastic fasting, and YES, I lost weight super quick- I mean a lot of weight... but then I always gained it back, but at the same time, I wore out my skins' ability to tighten and snap back again. Now this really sucks, because you are finally shaping the body you have always known is within you, and you are practicing loving on your self so deeply- and what do you get?? All this loose skin?? Ughhh.. I will write in greater depth about fasting later. But for now, know that any quick diet and super quick weight loss programs have their down side. Please progress with conscious caution if that is your current path. Going slow and steady is the name of the game- for long term shape-shifting and solid health. 

If you are interested in joining me for  a more spiritual and metaphysical kind of outlook, Check out my blog entitled Confessions of a Spiritual Apprentice (same name as my newly published book!) And if you are interested in reading about some of my 'fasting' adventures, check out Shaman's Fast -Part 1 and join me as I endure a very long fast and the spiritual realms I encounter.  

Okay, nough said! Here is a mini workout that I recently started doing to tighten and tone areas where elastin is lacking. It's pretty amazing too, because I put together some footage from a year ago along with footage of now... I can really see where my physical body has shifted in comparison to a year ago.. I know my recipe has been a nice mixture of self loving thoughts and affirmations of relaxing into how my body is, or 'was' back then, without needing to change everything constantly, or immediately (my booty/tummy/legs etc).  A regular mix of Body Sculpt classes, Yoga, Callenetics, targeted extra mini workouts have helped to create a shape I am beginning to love more and more. I can't forget to mention the importance of upping my protein intake too. My fav after workout shake is RAWFUSION. Proper protein intake really does help you build a stronger and more toned body. 

 Beautiful thoughts build a beautiful body too... In the past, a bunch of negatory thoughts would pile up inside of me, and cause me to get emo and down on myself, and that would make me over-eat and then I would feel bad about myself and the whole cycle would begin again. You can lift out of that if you are ready for change. Maybe even by taking one baby step today.   Yes, enjoy more loving thoughts about your body, wether you want to shape shift your body or not. Oh, and by the way- I am super excited to share my fav core workouts with you very soon. If you want more, check out My YouTube Channel.. I have a mixture of Spiritual and Physical Fitness vids for you there. If you Subscribe, you get to see my vids first before I blog about them :)

Okay see you on the flip side!
Love and Light,


Monday, September 1, 2014

Divine Feminine Part 3 of 4- What kind of Femme are you?

Bamboo Warrior 'Blog-Banner' Photo Credit:

Who was your first female heroine? Mine was Princess Leia from the original Star Wars. I dressed like her when I was little. I wore a long white draping tunic/turlte neck gown belted at the hip, and my mom helped to roll my waist length hair into donut buns and pinned them to the sides of my head. I wanted to be like her; sassy, beautiful, smart, and capable of kicking ass! Who was your hero/ine as a youth?

 Later I could not help but attain a girl crush on Lara Croft of the Tomb Raider movies... Talk about serious stunt skills, fearlessness in the face of huge obstacles, non-stop gorgeousness, faultless femininity, and the ability to model 'doing the right thing'- for a cause larger than herself... Her actions were performed in light of serving the higher good, you know? The Lara Croft character did not do things for fame, money or glory. She saved the world and did the right thing just because. Okay, maybe there was a lil' revenge mixed in there, but that was not her driving force. In Tomb Raider 2, she 'had to' cut the guy who cut her earlier in the film just to get even- but still, she could have killed him, but didn't.... What am I getting to?

Well, about a year ago I began seeking a female role model in a real life person. Someone who could be an inspiration to me and 'model' what being a powerful woman in the world might look like. I certainly did not feel like a woman, what ever that was, and was far away from feeling femininity from within.  I sought someone who exuded qualities I could 'try on' for myself. Sure, sometimes I felt attractive, or intelligent, or powerful, or nurturing, but what would it feel like to combine all of these qualities and not only exemplify them , but actually truly feel them at the same time- as an ongoing reality?

Deep inside I felt a urning to expand into more of my feminine power, but I just did not know what that meant, or how to go about it. I went on a search for females that had it together, and that I could learn from. In the early Summer of 2013 I had over a year left of working on my book 'Confessions of a Spiritual Apprentice', which is now released (hooray!). In it, I confess to a plethora of childhood incidents that shaped my inner most fears of being a woman in the world. In writing my book, I realized despite being a woman, I spent a lifetime trying not to exhibit female qualities for fear of attracting inappropriate attention from men. I became aware that I was truly scared shitless of relaxing into any kind of feelings of being beautiful, sexual or feminine. How did Princess Leia rock that bikini outfit with such confidence and still demand respect from her peers? What was her secret?

Could I 'trust' my femininity and relax into loving myself enough to begin feeling beautiful? Now that would be hard. What about feeling sexy or assuming my inner femininity and displaying it outright... Wouldn't that get me into trouble- or draw trouble to me??? Could I unfurl my personal beauty and sexuality in the world without protective shields and expectations of things going awry, or of me being betrayed or hurt AGAIN like in the past? What If someone tries to hurt me again? Then what? Having experienced abuse, betrayal, manipulation and bullying as a youth, the last thing I wanted to do was reproduce those same experiences. 

Years of healing mind, body and emotions culminated in me finally being ready (at the age of forty) to feel safe enough to explore being a beautiful woman in the world. I had never before defined what that meant to me. Simply put, what I mean by being a beautiful woman in the world, is stepping into loving myself more, and letting that self love shine. It means making peace with my looks, exploring ways to love my body as it is, and even exploring ways to improve parts of it, while allowing my natural self to be. For example I have gotten into a dry brush/clay mask and castor/shea butter routine that I swear has decreased cellulite, tightened loose skin, and given a glow to my body that I didn't have before. Haven't seen my vid on that? Here it is for you- but come back to reading this after :) Love the Skin Your'e In. In the past I would simply roll around on the floor, squeezing my flab and cursing my cellulite in the mirror. Moaning for a better life, I would pretend there was nothing I could do to help... And I hated my body, over and over, I hated it ... Until I started treating it differently, like with a routine outlined in my vid. We forget, our body is a living organism; it responds equally to our loving attention, and  to hateful rejection.

What would it be like to own my beauty and femininity? Could I allow myself a new experience that is not thwarted by my past experiences or hurt? Yes I can, and You can too.

As my search for female role models began, I noticed a specific type of 'femme' that appeared to dominate. At first I was drawn to the very beautiful 'on fire' type of women that spoke their minds and did things their way. They burned a path for themselves, where there was no path before. I appreciated that quality. They are beautiful and powerful. I found a handful of females all offering tools and healing and empowerment along the road I felt I had to take- aligning with my divine femininity and sexuality. I was super excited! Yes, I had found my people... Or so I thought. Upon 'following' a handful of these potential female role models via social media, I got to 'try on' their posts, pictures and attitudes, of which some appeared to be inspiring at first, and some- not so much. A big part of these women's power seemed to be in aligning with one's sexual power. That, to me, seemed to be the most scariest part of it all. How could I unfurl into my feminine and sexual power, when I was terrified of it? I didn't trust it. I really didn't have a touchstone of what that power could feel like,  because I had never truly felt it inside. 

After some time of researching these women to see if perhaps I would be guided to spend time with them by partaking in a workshop they shared to empower my femininity or sexual energy etc...  I realized these particular women I was at first drawn to were actually, pretty darn righteous- not in a good way, and... down right rude. I kept pushing those qualities I did not like about them under the rug and tried not to notice them, instead watching for their next post/video/blog to set things straight again, and make me like them. But time after time, I became annoyed and less impressed by the kind of offerings these women emulated before me. They offered many different opportunities to emulate them in my minds eye. Did I want to post numerous pictures of myself with my legs spread WIDE apart all over facebook, in an attempt to announce my sacred feminine had arrived, or could I continually put down other women, toting ".. I am the one and only Queen Bee, bitch..". Oh, hell no. That is not my style. Will I be the type of woman to make men 'wrong', in an attempt for me to be 'right'??? Was I about to take on history and be swayed by polarized beliefs of presiding patriarchy or the need for matriarchy in the past/present or possible future?

After months of filtering through these female potential role models' social media offerings, I eventually 'unfollowed' all of them, noticing I was actually getting stressed every time I would see a post by them. That was a sign that took me a while 'to get'. Even though I had some tough interactions and a lot of pain in my youth, I didn't need to be a bitch in the now, just to make up for it- nor did I feel the need to open my legs as a means to get 'likes' on social media, or be better than other women, or blame the world's 'past' for my innate fears and pain in the now. Phew.... Now sifting through all of that was a good exercise. Unbenonced to me, my research had actually allowed me to know for sure what I DID NOT WISH TO BE as I entered upon the path of my divine feminine. 

I sought to; 
-own my personal power as a woman. I realized this was something I could only do for myself by listening to my body like a tuning rod. I ask myself often; What feels right to me now? And listen to my body's feeling.  As I practice this, I can easier sense what is not serving me too, and shift gears accordingly. 

-get over fearing (my) sexual energy, and in fact- learn to align with it in healthy ways. This can be a tough one when you have reasons from the past that tell you not to trust sexual energy, or that 'feeling' sexy will get you into trouble if you display your sexiness outwardly. Learn that it's okay to be playful with your sexuality in appropriate environments. Explore and use those playful experiences to trust into even more of your sexual energy in life. For example; I go through spells of taking a handful of Bellydance classes where ever I can find them, when I know my sexual/feminine energy needs to be shaken up. It is in a safe environment where I can jiggle and shimmy and 'get my sexy on'. From here my sexual energy has a base line to work from, out in the world. Can't make a class? Get your dance on at home. Read my Blogpost 'Dance Dance Dance!'

-experience being beautiful. Write down what being beautiful means to you... And try on some of your propositions. Maybe its doing your make up every day- even if you do not leave the house. Mary Kay of the cosmetics company said she would get dressed, and do her hair and make up every day just to work around the house. It helped her to feel beautiful and feminine, and she took that baseline feeling into the world with her. And sure, the experience of being beautiful may mean having your hair or make up done just so, or wearing your fav sweater that hugs your curves. But it can also be in how you speak with others or handle situations with softness, attentiveness and kindness. Being beautiful begins with having beautiful thoughts about yourself and others. Who do you know that brings the energy of beauty wherever they go? Who are the nicest, kindest women you know? Can you emulate some of their qualities?- The ones that speak to your inner femme?

-relax into my divine feminine by invoking a softer means of being in the world. This meant (to me) I had to stop expecting the world to treat me inappropriately, just because I am a woman. This meant I got to lay down my shields of armor from past hurts, little by little- and allow men to treat me with respect and honor in every day life, such as allowing a man to open a door, or accept a 'respectful' compliment from a stranger (not a wolf whistle). I had to meet the world half way, with the energy of positive trust. And while not all instances are perfect, there is greater harmony in life when I am allowing and relaxing into my divine feminine than when I am trying to push it down out of fear and hide it with my more masculine air. Relaxing into my divine feminine means I get to rewire my thinking and emotional responses to men, and women for that matter- in the world. What does it mean to you? Watch my vid Divine Feminine, the Invitation. Here I offer affirmations to help coach one's self into trusting and allowing that power to gently and appropriately activate from deep within , while healing wounds of the past.
There is so much more, but these basics helped me find my truth in the face of so much glaring and tempting paths to attain a new sense of feminine empowerment. The path is different for each of us, but until we dare venture it, we shall never know what is the path for our own divine growth.

This (part of the) story ends with me being introduced to a yoga instructor- who, is one of my favorite teachers in the world... and not just for yoga. She is an amazing role model of what being a beautiful, intelligent, sassy (defined in the urban dictionary as: possessing the attitude of someone endowed with an ungodly amount of cool.), empowered and sexually attuned female IS!  She is a bad ass in her own right. She has an Olympian's discipline when it comes to maintaining a positive attitude and does not abuse her looks or abilities to get what she wants. She doesn't have to manipulate anything to manifest what she desires. She is so clear and kind, and gives beauty and grace to everyone and everything, that the universe seems to give her back- everything she needs.

Maybe she has mastered being in her divine feminine. All I know, is when the student is ready, the teacher appears. ©TuesdayMayThomas

Friday, June 27, 2014

Divine Feminine- Part 2 of 4 'Ask and You Shall Receive'

Bamboo Warrior 'Blog-Banner' Photo Credit:


From an early age I was taught to fear intimacy with men. At least, that's how I translated the words of my grandmother. From the age of five she would tell me "Anytime a man looks you in the eye, he wants to have sex with you.." I was too young to know what sex was at the time, but by the way my grandmother affirmed this statement to me time and time again, it seemed that men and sex were something to fear. I learned to not attract the attention of men in any way shape or form, for fear of an inappropriate transference of energy. 

Granted, yes it's true- at five years old I should not engage with strangers or strange men attempting to hold my gaze. This truth aside, there was something about what she used to tell me- that got under my skin as a kid..., into my mental projections as I grew up, and fueled my emotional triggers as an adult. I know my grandmother was only doing what she felt was right for my well being at the time... But this one belief pattern informed my life for over forty years. It filtered the way I perceived myself as a woman in the world, which was to shrink my energy rather than expand it. I spent years agonizing over trying to understand the complexity of the male/female dilemma in the world.

Throughout life, a personal fear of men and sex caused me to squelch any feminine attributes I had, and filter them through a masculine pretense. Deep down I feared drawing too much attention from men by being beautiful or attractive, or too feminine in any way. I feared men would be seeking to have sex with me like my grandmother said and that was bad- right? 

Though my mother is a strong and beautiful woman, we spent very little time together in my youth and without my biological father around, I was left on my own to figure things out. It was complicated because I was told not to seek attention from men by my grandmother, yet I sought it desperately as a means to be validated by my 'missing' father. When ever I did receive sexual attention from men, I felt terribly ashamed for receiving it. My lines of understanding were all criss-crossed. I am just beginning to tread a new world of trust and expression as a Divine Feminine being upon this planet. And it's about time!


Six months ago while journaling, I wrote... "I will be turning forty-two and can count on one hand, how many times I have truly felt feminine in my whole life. I have spent years being afraid to be a beautiful woman in the world. I long to explore what it means to be feminine and how it feels to honor the beauty that resides within myself." -

I knew I was ready to start re-defining who I was as a woman. I was ready to release the old belief patterns placed into me by my past and launch a part of myself that had for my entire life, been missing. I lay in the bathtub with a candle and my crystals. An urge to 'call in' my female-power came over me. I found myself praying to be lifted into the arms of a universal wisdom that could safely reveal it's secrets through the Divine Feminine. I prayed to understand myself as a woman in this world. I prayed to download the strength I needed to trust that it was okay to be beautiful and powerful without needing to use my female energy to manipulate or seduce. I prayed for grace and innocence, humility, wisdom and healing. "Divine Feminine, come unto me- for the highest good... I call upon you now. I am ready to embody your wisdom, grace and beauty."

I have a face to face with Sophia Loren. She tells me:
It is okay to relax into your femininity. Raise your head up high and own your womanhood.

Soon after my bathing/prayer ceremony I decide to practice bellydancing in the same room as my fiance. This would be a challenge for me as I had not danced in front of him in this way before. At first I fumbled and felt so awkward. I had to battle feeling stupid and foolish. Even though he was on his computer, I knew he was watching me. I decided this was the perfect gateway to embracing my femininity and allowing the Divine Feminine to move through me. After all, I'm in the presence of a man with whom I feel completely safe. And I'm in my own home too. What could go wrong? After forty minutes of practicing some moves- I made a HUGE breakthrough... Bravo!!! I actually felt safe inhabiting the feminine force for the first time in my life. I had a breakthrough and it was fucking amazing.

 But the next day, my body told a different story. I went to get up out of bed and my hip was killing me. "What the...?" Had I opened up a part of myself so deeply that it caused my physical body to require some sort of a re-boot? There was no pain when I was bellydancing last night, how could this be? Ughhhh. When I meditated upon it, the message I got was: The strain in my hip is due to the opening up of an area where 'trusting my sexuality' had been previously blocked.  For the next two weeks I shifted my gait to acclimate my new hip strain.  My hips moved in and out of a staccato motion, but eventually I found a new fluid rhythm in my hips that I had only encountered briefly at one other time in my life. 

While undergoing my 'hip transformation', I began writing new affirmations for my body. I realized further acknowledgment  of the Divine Feminine was important. I started this crazy train, now I better take the reigns! I asked for it, and here she was. Was the Divine Feminine showing me her love through my hip transformation? My new affirmation became: "I now expand my vision and see more beauty in myself than ever before."I now expand my vision and embrace more femininity."

In fact, I kept writing and writing and have been using the following affirmations as a means to acclimate my mind, body, emotions and spirit into a new paradigm of trust and empowerment. I placed the affirmations into a video.You are invited into my world. Watch the following video, and if it connects with your soul, please use it often. It has helped me to create new awareness and expanded energy and grace in regards to embracing the Divine Feminine power in my life... And it can help you too!