Banner Photo Credit- goldcoyotedesign.com

Loading...

Friday, October 13, 2017

Why I left so Suddenly

This blogpost goes out to readers everywhere, and especially to my Bodysculpt and Yoga family from DTLA. 

I love you and feel I can tell my story to you now. 

© tuesdaymaythomas Two years ago, almost to the day- my life changed forever. What happened affected my job, my home, my body and most of all, it broke my heart.

I had just moved into a fancy DTLA loft with my boyfriend and life was good.  I was teaching yoga twice a week at a popular gym in Downtown. I walked a mile + each way, back and forth to work- which was good because I was out of shape. In fact, I would say I was chubby when I began my work at the gym those years ago.

During my second year of working at the gym I began trading private yoga sessions for personal training with an MMA, 'Mixed Martial Artist'. He kicked my butt- literally. Our training was all about the squat, and everything, anything that helped me mold and shape a lifted booty. It was something that seemed impossible to attain at the time, because my backside was closer to my knees. 

I began attending what I would call a 'mellow stretch class' on Friday's led by a lovely woman named Barbara. After some time she began asking if I could substitute her class. I was happy to facilitate and kept it gentle with Callanetics style stretches. Later, she told me she was going into chemotherapy for cancer treatment and was not sure when she would return. She asked if I could take the class over until she returned to health. Humbled by her offer and touched by her healing path, I agreed and sent her healing reiki prayers. Four moths later she wrote to tell me I could have the class indeffinitely.

After about six months, I received word of Barbara's passing: She is never coming back to teach. 

May her spirit be ever free and at peace. All of her students had moved on from the Friday class by then, and I was truly honored to step into her shoes- although be it with a totally new type of class.

The 'new' Friday class started of as a mish-mash of aerobics meets dance meets squats. I had received my 'group fitness instructor certification' a few years beforehand, but only used it to sub pilates type classes in the past. At this point of my personal training I was still chubby, but my body was beginning to take shape- especially my back side. 

I found myself yearning to sweat and push my limits- and take my students with me. I named my new class BODYSCULPT. With each class the music became louder and the exercises more intense. This said, I always offered modifications for the large range of students that began to attend. My students ranged in ages 18-75. They were all levels and all abilities.

The Bodysculpt class was becoming so popular my manager asked if I would teach another one on Wednesday's. Yes I will! Some students would arrive 20-30 minutes early just to save their place! This enthralled me, because while teaching this class, I could do my own work out and sweat like crazy, while still keeping an eye on my students in the mirror and adjust their form when I needed to. Now there were two Bodysculpt classes and two Yoga classes on the schedule. That meant I was walking over 8 miles a week, plus two or four more miles if I worked out with my trainer on days I wasn't teaching. 

I began showing up early at the gym to do my own workouts with the machines. I gradually worked up to a 2 and half, sometimes three hour workout. Some days I would do 'Super Callanetics' at home then come in to teach yoga and stay another two hours to work out. Sometimes I would get in early and work out prior to Bodysculpt class, or vice versa. My body was beginning to take on a new shape- one that took a lot of time to create and maintain, yet one I loved all the same.

I loved my life! My boyfriend asked me to marry him, I was now enagged!!! And Bodyscult was sculpting my body big time. I could see results in my students too. By this point I had the class flow down. We  always started with a cardio/dance/aerobic warm up. Followed by a back to back set of squats & lunges. Then we would rock out a ten minute straight set of core work followed by arms and push ups- then the beloved booty work- ankle weights optional! This would be followed by additional booty work, plus some killer inner thigh Pliés. We always finished with 
the lights low and a Bellydance & light stretch cool 
down.

Bellydance became such a big part of my life, I started 
teaching a once a month 'wine and bellydance' class 
from my home studio loft. My local Bodysculpt students 
would show up and we would spend a half hour chatting 
and sipping Pinot Noir and the next hour working our 
bodies up into a sensual sweat by candle light.During 
our Bellydance classes, my finace would give us space- 
and head out for a walk around DTLA and stop in for 
beer or two at a local spot. He always came home by 
10:30 or so. By then the girls would be gone and I 
would have the loft cleaned up and the furniture put 
back in place.

October 29th of 2015 was different. 
After the Bellydance class on October 29th, my then 
fiancé never came home.

I texted him at 11pm . No reply. I continued to text 
him every half hour. No reply... "He is a grown man." 
I told myself. "Maybe he met an old pal and they are 
having a great time." By 1am I was very concerned. 
I called his number, texted some more, but still no 
answer.

By two thirty am I am lighting candles and praying for 
him. I began to deeply worry for his wellbeing.
I asked the angels to surround him and I prayed 
that he be surrounded with violet light and protection 
where ever he was.

"Is he ignoring me on purpose?" I thought. "Maybe he 
has checked into a hotel room to have some space?"
I couldn't figure out why he was not home. Out of the 
three years we had been together, we only spent 
around three nights apart. I know we were 
experiencing some rocky patches in our relationship 
at the time, but wehad faced those before in our three 
years, and were always able to meet one another in 
our hearts and recalibrate our relationship from the 
heart, with love.

This said, I began to recall a talk we had the week 
previous. We were walking home from Chipotle in the 
evening and we sat along a quite corner. He looked me 
in the eyes and told me how depressed he was feeling.
His old business of twenty plus years was going south 
and his new food business had drained all of his money 
and energy, with very little return. He was low and 
feeling major stress due to financial obligations, and 
like a failure for his new business not taking off the way
he thought it would. I could see he was watery eyed.

I listened and replied with a rather firm tone. I 
encouraged him to feel his feelings, but then to reach 
deep within and find the courage to carry on. "Suck it 
up!" I said. "Find your inner warrior!...You got this.." 
"You gotta pull your boot straps up and take one step 
at a time.." ..."You get to choose how to perceive all of 
this- either as dread, or as a chance to make big 
changes in your life." He did not respond well 
to my sentiment.

We walked the rest of the way home in silence.

By four am I was frantic and literally felt like I was out 
of my body. "Where is he?" "Where are you baby?"
I instantly thought to email his best friend who was out 
of town in Utah at the time. Maybe he reached out to
his life long pal.... I emailed my concerns. As I did, I 
remembered an article my fiancé had sent me two 
weeks prior. I scanned my emails for it. I had not read 
it when he sent it earlier, as he would send me multiple 
articles on writing & publishing, knowing I have a dream 
to write and publish my books. I would put those emails
in a folder to read later.

This was not an article on writing or publishing. As I 
opened the email and began to read it I welled up with 
tears. It was an article about depression and suicide. 
"WHAT?"..... I felt a chill run through my spine and 
quickly closed the laptop. I felt the urge to smoke a 
cigarette (sagerette) and have a stiff drink, though it 
was now around 5:30am. I did not drink or smoke. 
Instead I re-opened my laptop and finished reading the 
article. It gave guidance on how to talk to those who 
express depression. And according to the article, the 
way I responded to my partner the week before was all 
wrong. It said "Don't try to fix them- don't tell them 
what to do.... just listen." I pondered about how firm 
I was with him and silent regret washed over me.

"Is that why he never came home?" I should have been 
kinder, more loving, softer with him." I began to cry 
and by 6am I called my Step dad who knew my fiancé  
very well. "He never came home. I am worried sick." 
I said."Did you call the cops?" He replied. "No. How can 
I report a fifty-five year old man who did not come 
home last night? He is a grown man... " I responded. 
"Well maybe you should call them and see what they 
recommend. Either way let me know when you hear 
any news."

An email arrived from his best friend in Utah saying; 
"I haven't spoke to him in two weeks. Hope your okay, 
hang in there- let me know when he shows up...."  
I next called one of my bff's, who was also a regular 
Bodysculpt student. "I am freaking out girl.. I just don't
know what to do." I said. She offered some consoling 
words and as she did there was a loud pounding on the 
door. 

"Who is it?" I called out. "The police" the voices 
responded. I kept my bff on speaker phone. The loud 
knocking freaked me out, and after the evening's 
events, I did not know what to expect. Four police men 
stormed in and searched the loft, opening closets and 
looking around. "Why are you here?" I asked hopeful 
they might have some news about my fiancé , yet I was
terrified by their entrance all the same. "We need to see
your ID" they responded. 

After realizing I was who I was, meaning I was the legal
resident of that living space, and that no one was else 
was in the loft, they began to talk to me like a person. 
"We apologize for barging in here. We thought there 
was foul play going on." I was so confused. What are 
they talking about? "Excuse me?" I said. How are you 
related to _____________ they said my lovers name. 
"He is my fiancé . He has not come home all night... 
what do you know about him?" I asked pleadingly. 

An officer stepped forward and said he was the sergeant.
"Let's step aside for a moment. I will tell you what I 
know so far". At this point I am completely confused and
scarred of what he might tell me. "We found your 
fiancé's car soaked in blood" He added "It looks like a 
slasher film"...... My face contorted, I stood in disbelief.
My heart began to pound and my breathing shifted. Is 
this a bad dream? "We can't find his body and we think
think it may be foul play, meaning someone might have 
tried to kill him. That's why we stormed in here. We 
thought someone may have had you in danger."At this 
point I almost fainted. I walked back to the kitchen to 
drink some water. The sergeant followed with, "Either 
that, or your fiancé attempted suicide in the car."

I froze, thinking about the article my fiancé sent those 
two weeks prior. The officers saw a photo of myself and
my love on the fridge and asked if they could have that
to ID him if he showed up at the county hospital. They 
also asked for my phone number."Yes, of course" I 
murmured. My eyes welled with tears, yet as if frozen 
in time, my tears had not fallen. My mouth unable to 
create a sentence. I had stepped out of my body's reality. 
"We don't know if your fiancé  will show up alive or dead,
we will let you know what we find" I couldn't believe my 
ears. They spoke so non-challant about the possible life 
and death of my beloved. This set me into 'further' 
outer space.

As they left I closed the door, quickly got back on the 
phone with my bff and gave her the run through and 
hung up, in shock at it all. I said a prayer to my beloved 
"I know in my heart of hearts you are still alive, my love...
where are you, where are you baby? Come home..." My 
whole body quivered in repulsion at recalling the cops' 
last words to me. "He is alive!" I shouted to the 
universe. I had to believe it was true. I then called my 
step-dad and told him about the cops' visit. 
"I'll be there in thirty minutes" he said.

I looked around the loft, at all the fancy items we had 
accumulated and the fancy lifestyle we were living. 
Meanwhile, it didn't mean anything because if he was 
not happy and we were not seeing heart to heart, how 
could we enjoy the fruits of our life? How could I not 
see this coming, whatever 'this' is?

How could I spend each and every day and night with 
my fiancé  and not know he was suicidal? Is that what 
even happened? How could he hide that? At this point 
of my life I had put off my career as an author in lieu of
taking on a work project outside of the gym that I really
didn't want to do. It was draining and left no creative 
time for me to fulfill my heartfelt path of writing books.
And obviously my lover was not living true to his heart,
while being so depressed. Had we been living a true life
together? Was he really living in the truth of his heart?
And was I?

I looked around the loft and said aloud "Maybe we are 
doing this whole 'life' thing completely wrong." I paused
and then said "I am never going back."

Rushing to our bed I sat, removed, still, tears welling 
yet not fallen. I was in absolute shock. After a few 
moments I took a deep breath and felt my heart slam 
to ground and shatter in a million pieces. I then let out 
wail so loud, I know people could hear it from across 
the street. I screamed and screamed "NO!"..... and 
began balling frantically. Crying out to him- "Where are 
you? Come home baby, I am sorry... Come home"... 
I sobbed and sobbed and sobbed. 

After some time the phone rang. It was my lover's 
voice. "Baby?" I said. "Hi" he responded. Delicately 
I asked "Honey where are you?" "I'm at the hospital".
It was then my fiancé  handed the phone to the 
sergeant, who was with me less than an hour earlier.

"Hello Tuesday. Yeah, your fiancé was checked into 
county hospital. He had attempted suicide and was 
found in a parking lot bleeding to death. Some people
found him and called an ambulance. He was checked in
early this morning." "Can I come see him?" "Yes you 
can" responded the sergeant.

Within minutes my step-dad arrived and shortly after 
that he drove me to the hospital. I could not drive 
myself for my nerves were too frayed, and after all- 
the prius I shared with my lover was non drivable, 
being "soaked in blood" as the sergeant told me. 

We used to park the prius in a lot across form the loft. 
My step-dad had seen the car and said- "I don't want 
you going anywhere near that car. What ever you do,
do not look inside the car". As he drove me to the 
hospital I glanced over and saw the prius had been
police tapped. I caught a glance of blood stains on 
the windows of the car, and those on the ground.
I shivered and looked away quickly.

It was the morning of October 30th, 2015. It was a 
Friday, a Bodysculpt class day. I emailed my manager
and told her what happened. I knew life was showing 
me something bigger than I had ever experienced
before. I knew I had to pay attention. This life
changing event was asking me to take a step out of
my normal routines and take care of what matters most.

Here is an actual excerpt from the email I sent to you
my beloved Bodyculpt  & Yoga students- a few weeks
after the event: 

"Dearest Students and Friends,
Thank you for your prayers and concentrated love. My fiancé also sends his gratitude to you all. 

What I have been through in the last fourteen days has been the hardest time of my life. Please understand I have undergone a massive life changing event, while the man I will marry in 2016 went through a life or death situation. He is getting better now, but what we have just gone through together has changed both of our lives forever, and life will never be the same again.

We have made some very big decisions about our next steps and this leads me to share with you that we are moving and I will not be returning...."

Dear Students, this was a difficult thing to do, yet at
the same time- there was no question about the significant life changes that needed to be made. So many of you responded to my above email with love, understanding a support. Thank you for that. Yet now you know the truth. Now you know why I had to make huge life changes.

I appreciate the love, sweat and tears we all shared together. I remember when my cat passed away and I came to class and balled my way through it- you hugged me and supported me like family. 

know we will never have back what we had before. I cherish those days and cherish each and every one of you. 
I love you... Namaste 
xoxo
Tuesday
© tuesdaymaythomas











Friday, December 11, 2015

Booty Rehab + My Outdoor Fitness Workout

Hello Beautiful Bodies,

Having moved out of the inner city (dtla to be exact), I am now surrounded by spaciousness, fresh air and desert mountains. With my recent life change- read my blog "What Does Your Body Know?", I did not exercise AT ALL for one month- I can hardly believe it myself. But sometimes life requires other areas to take center stage and rightly so. Even though it felt like everything in and on my body was sliding south, in just two weeks of dead lifts and squats I began to feel and see my body taking shape once again... and so can you. Northbound we all go!! All of this 'outdoor-ness' is quite a change from spending so much time in the gym. But I'm finding my way and am loving all this 'fresh air fitness'. It is my intention to inspire you on your path to a Superior Posterior (more on that later) and to also share with you how I keep in shape without a gym.

For starters I have a mini Trampoline, and I love to use it. It is so good for our bodies. MmmHmm

Video of me Jumping on Mini Trampoline


The following "10 Health Benefits Of Rebounding" is from this great website www.healthextremist.com To read her full article on 'Rebounding', aka jumping on a trampoline, go to http://www.healthextremist.com/health-benefits-of-rebounding/

Before we continue, here are some benefits of 'jumping' I love:

10 Health Benefits Of Rebounding:

1. Increases Your White Blood Cells By 3 TIMES!
After rebounding for just 5 to 10 minutes, the number of your white bloods will triple. According to Natural News, they will remain increased to that level for nearly an hour after rebounding. An increase in white blood cells enhances your immune system, which is great for not only preventing/recovering from illness, but also for those with autoimmune conditions.

2. Stimulates Your Lymphatic System + Increases Circulation
The Increased G-Force Created From Bouncing On A Trampoline Stimulates The Lymphatic System And Boosts Circulation Throughout Your Body. Increasing The Activity Of Lymphocytes Improves The Immune System And Aids In Detoxifying.

3. Aids In Releasing Toxins
It Cleanses Your Lymphatic System Which Helps Remove Toxins From The Body.

4. Increases Energy
This gentle exercise increases circulation of oxygen to cells, which aids in boosting energy. Just after a few minutes of bouncing on the trampoline, I feel a burst of energy.

5. Improves Digestion
According to Young and Raw, using a trampoline can help with digestion because the contraction and relaxation of muscles helps clean out the digestive tract.

6. Helps With Varicose Veins
Another one of the great health benefits of rebounding is that it helps reduce and prevent varicose veins. Since rebounding increases circulation and blood flow, it helps reduce the inflammation and pain with varicose veins. When I was looking for more information on how it helps with varicose veins, I found many commenting on their experience with it helping prominent veins.

7. Aids In Weight Loss
Rebounding is a great form of gentle exercise that promotes weight loss. I love that it is easy to do and fun!

8. Beneficial For Preventing Cancer
According to Linda Brooks, author of A Simple Approach to Cancer, rebounding aids in reducing tumors that are cancerous due to increasing the immune system and the cleansing of the lymphatic system.

9. Build Bone Mass
It can increase bone density and help you maintain bone mass even as you get older. Additionally, starting it as a daily routine, can help prevent osteoporosis.

10. Improves Cellulite

Bouncing on a trampoline can reduce the appearance of cellulite as it involves increases circulation of lymphocytes, which aids in breaking down the cellulite. According to Dr. Mercola, the exercise causes vibrations resulting in the contraction of muscles, which pushes lymphatic fluid out of areas of the body where cellulite forms ( such as outer thighs). One study found that this type of exercise reduced cellulite in participants by 26%.


I will be writing a blogpost on the miracle of releasing cellulite. What does it take to release cellulite? I hear you ask....  Mentally; It takes forgetting what you think you know about your body. Physically; It takes eating right (most of the time) along with booty popping exercises included in my video below.Body brushing and the use of specific essential oils with hand massage help too- so keep tuning in and I will share my secrets with you!Okay, back to my non-gym work out. I have taken up a once weekly ritual of walking / 'mini-jogging' up a half mile hill. It is a half mile uphill, and a half mile downhill. I walk up and down the first round (1 Mile) and then do my 'mini-jogging' up the hill on the second round, and walk down the second half. That's two miles total baby!!.. And a big feat for me. I break a sweat and get into a new dimension of breathing, which- as a Yogi, I love! I will build up to three miles as the New Year progresses.

I am not a fan of 'running', well... once in a while you might find me on a treadmill, though it has never been a favorite pastime. All of this said- here, out in nature with so much fresh air- I kinda can't say no to at least 'mini-jogging' a little. What is 'mini-joggin'? It's like trotting lightly with mini-bouncy-steps. It's the kind of 'running' I can do- and that my knees and hips agree with, at least a half-mile at a time.  My fiancé asks me to run with him all the time. I usually say no thank you, or get some odd injury by trying to do too much too soon. P.s. I'm asking Santa for a pair of old school roller skates. That way I can work my legs by my fiancé's side, as he runs. There is a nice long path close by we will have to explore.

As I began working out again, I realized my cardio had been non-existent. I rarely became breathless when working out (awful for a fitness teacher). Old injuries kept me from doing too much 'crazy' in dance classes, so I opted out (except for teaching Bellydane). I would get breathless after the cardio-dance-aerobics at the beginning of BodySculpt class ... and remember a many a times breathing deeply at the end of class, drenched in sweat! BTW- "Holla".. to all my Beautiful BodySculpt students.. May the upcoming video be of serious service to your backside!"... Yes, so very little cardio for me in general. Mini-jogging up this half mile hill is where I begin to get my breathlessness ON! 
P.s. Make sure to wear proper shoes for your happiest and healthiest 'mini-jogging' experience, especially if you have knee or foot issues.

Okay, so I jump the trampoline three times a week for 12-20 minutes, after a little stretch, onto the funnest of all- Booty Rehab time! I started just doing these reps of 25 x 2 sets of Dead Lifts and 25 x 2 sets Squats, 50 total each. That's all my body could handle after not working out for a month. I slowly added back step lunges and side skaters (which I will share soon in my Booty Rehab series), and then worked up to 75 reps and then 100... but for now I introduce to you- a mini workout that will 'take away time' as far as your posterior goes. 

*I introduced Dead Lifts in BodySculpt class a handful of times, but due to the high number of students and ages ranging from 18- 78. Some students would complain about their lower back hurting or knees. This said : PLEASE LISTEN TO YOUR BODY and NEVER do anything that does not feel right for it. Period.

MY DEAD LIFT RULES
-You are accessing the muscles on the back of your legs with dead lifts. This includes the hamstrings, glutes, and lower back (your booty bump). Focus on using your 'backside' to lift the weight. Avoid using your upper body or using your quadriceps to lift.
-Never use heavy weights unless you know what your doing. You will end up using your strongest muscle groups to do the work and miss the posterior all together- or injure yourself.
-Start with two five pound weights, or a body bar of ten/twelve or fifteen pounds total. In this video I am using only ten pounds total on my lifting bar.
-Breathe in through your nose as you lower & out through your mouth as you rise up
-Keep your core engaged; lower belly muscle activation
-Beginners; bend your knees as much as you need to as you fold forward. Only fold forward as far as feels safe. You will eventually straighten the legs more, but never to locked knees.
-The point is to access your posterior and use those muscles in a superior way. Remember, avoid using your upper body or quadriceps to do the work.
-Feet: Stay with bodyweight in the heels and out of the toes!
Okay here's my first Booty Rehab Workout Video. Try it once, then maybe again, then maybe do it twice in a row- that's 100 squats & 100 dead lifts! These two are our classic booty lifting miracle workers. Enjoy! 

Booty Rehab Workout Video Dead Lifts & Squats

If by any chance your body simply does not like these movements, I have included a basic brazilian buttlift workout done on hands and knees, below. You can always add ankle weights (start with 1 pound on each ankle for beginners, or those who are new to working out).

Exercise Video Build Your Booty Shelf

Thank you for reading. Thank you for working out with me.
Visit my website. Lets connect on social media <3.

Until we meet again.. Keep loving your Beautiful Body...
Love & Peace,
Tuesday

www.TuesdayMayThomas.com
www.instagram.com/tuesdaymaythomas