Students and Friends: I am very grateful to everyone for all of their prayers and unconditional love. We are with great humility. Thank You. Your love is the nectar of life.
Do you think about the body's intuitive 'knowing'? The Snake Dance I share with you in this post depicts what I now see as my body's intuitive knowing. This video was filmed six months ago and I did not know at the time that a part of my life was coming to an end... though my dancing body did.
Why am I telling you this and why should you care? Because maybe we have something in common. Let me tell you a story...
For many years I lived with a fear that the person I would love and marry, would die before we had the chance to truly fulfill our life together. My fears recently almost came true.
Whenever these fears arose, I would be overtaken by the energy of a grieving widow- just as a woman who had lost her spouse would feel, I would be taken. I call her, or 'that feeling', the weeping widow.
She used to bleed the joy out of my relationships, out of me. She used to have me under wraps like an emotional straight jacket. Mind you, she did not visit all the time, but she was always there. Does that make sense? If you know her, if she visits you too- then it does. Anytime the weeping widow would visit in my imagination, and taunt me with feelings or movies of sadness in my mind- I would 'stop' the movie in it's tracks. I feared seeing it through to the end. And then something happened.
I saw a video clip by a writer I admire named Gary Douglas. He said (something to this notion) 'A thought, or event in your mind has a lifespan. Let a thought finish instead of trying so hard to stop it, and you will actually see that it never ends the way you think it will.'
Shortly after seeing the above clip, I had a thought about a friend exchanging 'a gaze' with my fiancé. The gaze was one that at first I could not define, but one that my ego immediately noted as 'dangerous', and 'suspicious'... Don't look, stop the mental movie!!! For what if my friend and lover find something special with each other- in this thought? Well you know what? When I allowed the thought to finish, they did exchange something special... But not what I was afraid of. Just like Gary Douglas said; When I allowed the thought to finish, I saw they realized a truly '*Rainbow' (*Read my book Confessions of a Spiritual Apprentice to understand the Rainbow) type of experience together, not anything my mind needed to feel threatened by. Such a very opposite energy to the impending doom and disaster I feared and pre-projected onto my screen of life, as tribute to the weeping widow.
Okay, why am I telling you all this? Because my fiancé almost died, but he didn't. What I had almost come to expect from life almost happened, but it didn't. And I tell you all of this because my life has changed, but not in the way I thought it would. Thankfully.
Thirty nights ago my fiancé did not come home. Thirty nights ago he almost died.
Thirty nights ago I was almost the weeping widow.
Over the weeks my love was in the hospital, I lay alone at night and thought about the above video I had filmed six months ago- over and over again, without realizing why. One night as I lay in bed, I experienced a buzzing in my body. The buzzing was accompanied by a very deep feeling of something 'clicking into place' on a soul level. A karmic agreement had been completed. A meeting of time and space had taken place within my mind body continuum, and the powers that be.
I sat up and knew she was gone. The weeping widow no longer held power over me. Her tour of duty was complete. My dance with her had finished, reaching it's final bow. A ringing in my body told me it was so. Like a grandmother clock striking twelve midnight- you know what time it is.
I thought about this dance and at once knew why it had been on my mind so much. For my fiancé lived through his event and here we are alive together once again. Now there is no widow about. The part of the 'movie' I was so afraid to finish watching has finished, and though under these circumstances, there is indeed a happy ending.
I grieved, or... She grieved, one last time in this snake dance.
What snake dance may your beautiful body be doing currently, as a means to purge, to end, to begin, to heal? Read about the ritual and ceremony of Snake Dance in my blog Wisdom for the Enlightened Warrior.
Looking back I recall knowing I was to wear black for this dance, I was to wear the waist trainer, I was to use my staff of power., and had to dance with this song by Hosier (I am listening to it on my ipod while the video was being filmed)... This dance, I now realize- signaled an ending to a certain 'karma', if you will.
And it does.
And so it is.
So be it.
My post from Instagram:
With Namaste Love