More than what you wear, and how you wear it.
More than the size or shape of your body, and how you 'work' your body.
It's how you wear self-love on the inside most of all.
So the negative self-talk has started again eh? Yep- because you gave into it a day ago. Ah ha, you let one harmful thought begin and it has multiplied. Now you are letting more and more negative thoughts slip through and rule your space and time. I know you know-whatever you spend time thinking about is gonna start 'blinking' it's way into your reality. Right through your very eyes. You will be making movies of what you think about in your mind. You will either create pictures of limitation, and perhaps self violence- or expansion, love and joy. How many years have you beaten yourself up and re-played the same fears over and over and over? And how many times have you let go, thinking this is it. "I am finally free..", only to be revisited by a quaking reality that stirs and entraps your self confidence and beats it down until your sense of self is dulled and timid?
Be a Master of Your Time and Space. Stop. Now. - How> First of all- Breathe.
Ok, heres the secret; feeling beautiful, being beautiful, and radiating 'beautiful energy' is an inside job. Yes, exercise and a healthy-diet help, but maintaining the essence of beauty is a full time job directly connected to where we allow our thoughts to meander. Feeling beautiful gets easier the more we practice and try on what 'feeling beautiful' feels like to us. Each person may experience it differently.
Feeling beautiful can become a self sustaining reality, if we are disciplined in honoring the god or goddess within on a regular basis. Gifting yourself a spiritual tune-up when your personal vehicle, or body~mind gives you a sign it's time for a check-up is vital.. You may be riding high, feeling confident and free and then all of the sudden a shudder, a light within starts to blink. You may try to ignore it, but the issue won't go away until you have dealt with it. Just like the car you drive- maintenance is what you do for your car-right? An oil change every so many miles, maybe you need new tires, or the brakes need tending too. To keep your vehicle in a positive motion that will get you around in life hassle free- you gotta take care of it. In terms of the body~mind vehicle, you gotta do the work to keep the mind in a positive motion or non- motion, or else it can become ill, or function at lower ability than its optimum performance. The mind drives the whole movie of life.. Where the mind goes, we go- we follow. What we reach out to with our thoughts and emotions, reaches back to us; be it self-loathing, insecurity, happiness or trust.
JEALOUSY, MISTRUST, BETRAYAL, SUSPICION, INSECURITY, SELF HATE, MISERY, ABUSE, DEPRESSION, DISTORTED BODY IMAGE, INADEQUACY & PARANOIA
If any of the above are part of your mental reality (meaning you spend much of your time thinking about how you are or could become jealous, mistrustful, betrayed, insecure, abused etc), you are being robbed of precious energy, mental strength and emotional stability. It takes just as much energy to concentrate on paranoid delusions, as it does to focus on more positive visions of yourself, life, and world. They each hold POWER, but the difference is, one gives you power and the other takes power away.
As I mentioned here- in my first blog post at 'ILMBB', my ex slept with another woman a week before we were to set the date for our marriage (2010). I have been betrayed by a romantic partner in the past too, and I couldn't help but feel very insecure and angry at myself for letting this happen again.She begged forgiveness and insisted we continue with our marriage plans. After five years of living and loving together, this action threw me for a loop and I had to question whether my partner had a previous record of this behavior. Either way, this was this a sign telling me to walk away and never look back. That I did. And yes, a ton of healing took place. Months of 'day after day' crying, and howling and mourning filed my time. I cried for 'a life' I so deeply thought was the life I would grow into with my ex. But NO. Life had more in store for me. I had to let go and allow the old relationship to die, so my heart and soul could heal and be reborn.
Why is it that those hurts and fear-filled traumas of our past can so easily be reinstated to the forefront of our minds? When I'm feeling weak, one hit of the inner voice saying "Is he looking at other girls?" has the potency to illuminate feelings of inadequacy and self-hate. These feelings and insecurities can harm our relationships, and make us feel not only un-loved, but un-loveable. In order to truly feel the beauty of life and feel beauty from within, we must trust our choices, trust our partners, trust the past is over and done, and trust life's experiences to bring us closer to our true and beautiful self. What we do not have to trust are the voices in our heads that urge us to feel ugly, suspicious and unworthy of experiencing happiness, and beauty from within- and all around us.
There is room for all of us to be beautiful and fierce. Isn't there? YES! Then why so jealous and so afraid? Is it because of the past? Most have been hurt before- some betrayed, two timed, fooled, lied to and abused in some way. That can bring us to a place where we are scared to trust- again. We may do some deep healing, dive into our souls and bring up old matters - and work to resolve them. And just when we are ready to trust again, and open our hearts more- a small incident could unravel all of the hard work done. But it hasn't really, it just rattled a thread that has come loose by your mind allowing negative thoughts inside the sacred temple of your trueself.. Don't get me wrong, where there is a real 'present-time' concern of being hurt by someone you love, you have different choices to make. But when your fear is driven by experiences of the past, and/or the thoughts cast out from a paranoid mind, that is different.
Even though I have a healthy habit of instating positivity into my life at every breath, and even though my physical body is perhaps in the best shape of my life, and even though I have created the man of my dreams, I still stumble into feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and the fear of being betrayed again. No matter how good my new romantic partners are to me, old hurts of the past are ready and willing to pop back into the driving seat and move my life along in painful and limiting ways. Yes, even after mega-healings and ongoing inner work. My past has the power to rob me of my present. Does your past rob you of your present too? For all I/we have healed, there is more still. You may feel it too, and wonder how much longer can it go on- and WHY? Every time pain comes up- every time a painful wave hits, there resides an opportunity to heal from a new angle, perhaps with some new tools, or perspectives. When the shit gets tough on the inside- It is an opportunity for the YOU that is here, now- to become empowered and overcome who you were, or who the Fearful version of yourself tells you- you are. Step up.
Journal Time
Write out a conversation you could imagine in your mind. Hear 'your selves' speaking to each other, one is the
Fearful you, and one is the
Wise you. Listen in and take notes. You know the voices, they both exist if you listen close enough- one says nice things about you, the other says bad things about you. Write down what you hear. This is what I heard last night:
Fearful Self-
"I feel the past has robbed me of some strength, wisdom or softness I can no longer tap- insecurity looms heavily on my shoulders and I get down on myself. I project my insecurities onto my boyfriend's actions. I am
scared he is more attracted to other girls."
Wise Self-
"Why so insecure? Why not relax into your personal power and beauty? What has happened in the past is no longer your truth, unless you allow it to be via your thoughts and
projected insecurities. You must 'pen in hand'- write out all of your insecurities and turn them into positivities. Start there, that's a lot. When you get to there- read them aloud and get used to how these new positive thought forms
feel. Allow yourself to acclimate to the higher mode of thinking, and you will eventually experience your new word forms as true."
Fearful Self-
"I can't do that, it doesn't matter if I write out this or that, because the past will surely repeat itself, and I will be hurt again. Because when I open my heart, I am betrayed and lied to over and over again. If I can somehow slip out of this relationship, then I wont have to deal with the next surge of these emotional complexities and he can go about his way and find someone more beautiful, attractive and confident. Yes- I will get out now. I will start carving my way out. I will make him/her dis-like me, and he will go away- so I don't have to deal with rejection, pain, father/mother issues, or most of all being betrayed again."
Wise Self-
"You have to
stop thinking about these things so much. Place your attention elsewhere, busy yourself in other ways besides focusing on what could go wrong. Especially if there are no reasons for you to feel this way in your current relationship, by all means-
pay attention to how you create your reality, and stop the defeating thoughts and words from cycling around and around.- Now go and do your written work; You must write out all of your insecurities and turn them into positivities. Start there. Read them aloud and get used to how these new positive thought forms feel. Allow yourself to acclimate to the higher mode of thinking and you will eventually experience being them too."
Does any of this conversation sound familiar? All of my
Fearful S
elf words of sadness, expectation of the worst, and preferred loneliness -are aspects of an ego based and ego driven mind. When I say
ego- I mean the 'I' inside of ME. It's the
me me me me that can and does drive us crazy. We gotta catch that crazy bitch/son of a bitch and stop her/him in their tracks. You with me? Just last night I let myself get swept up in a hail storm of negative
me me me me thoughts and feelings that started with
me having feelings of insecurity and jealousy- that sprang to
me hating myself, and having no self esteem or belief in my life - to then questioning why I am here at all. WTF? I was left feeling completely worthless and exhausted- and
I was the only one who did it to myself.
ME. Yes, the 'I', inside of ME. It's the 'you' inside of YOU too. There's the
Fearful version of self- aka
the Beast... and the
Wise version of self- aka
the Beauty. Pick one. Either way, it takes
energy to feed and sustain it. With enough ammunition, each can become self sustaining and fulfilling prophecies. "I am ugly, unworthy, unloveable, jealous.." etc will become your reality.
You may begin to seek out reasons to FEEL ugly, unworthy, unloveable and jealous- even if it is not true!
Equally; "I am beauty in motion, I trust life, I trust love, I am loved and respected by my partner." -will become your reality. Be it- maybe not with the partner you are with now. Meaning, YOU may not be ready to truly exhibit all of those qualities yet fully- but you are working on it by speaking it so. Or maybe the boyfriend or girlfriend you are with now is the one you will be making some serious breakthroughs with. Lucky you. Do it- express yourself fully, go ahead- get it all out. It takes a warrior to speak truth. Be a Warrior.
Our words and thoughts become real. That's why instilling positive messages into our minds and bodies, while paying attention to the words we speak over our selves and lives- can truly help to keep us FAR from the edge of hanging out with the inner Fearful 'Crazy' Beast. Words and thoughts have energy and energy is where beauty resides. Sure, pretty clothing or polished nails and make up can improve one's confidence and self esteem, but when the clothes go back on the hanger and all the make up comes off, who is left standing there? The real, vulnerable- you. Learning to love you is the most challenging and rewarding gift there is, in my view.
Lets do the work=-It's the shadow, the dark side, the Fearful self, the BEAST- that when conquered through choosing LOVE, Beauty, positivity and WISDOM- has no legs to stand on, and ultimately dissolves, giving way to the FREE and BEAUTIFUL YOU.
Transmute- Transform- Empower
Every time pain comes up- there is an opportunity to heal from a new angle, perhaps with new tools. It is an opportunity for the YOU that is here,
now- to become empowered and overcome who you
were in the past. The mind is a map (or trap). It displays the meeting of time, and 'spaces' throughout life. It acts as a blueprint for all perceived experiences to remain parked. Even when everything is perfect and flowing, would you find a reason to project negativity or fear-filled expectations into the backdrop of it all?
In the words of the 'Wise' voice-
"Now go and do your written work; You must write out all of your insecurities and turn them into positivities. Start there. Read them aloud and get used to how these new positive thought forms feel. Allow yourself to acclimate to the higher mode of thinking and you will eventually experience being them too."
Write out all of your insecurities and turn them into positivities. Remember, it's an
inside job.
Here is how I got started:
I now transmute feelings of jealousy and insecurity into feelings of self-love and self acceptance.
I now transmute feelings of self hate into feelings of forgiveness of self and others.
I now transmute feelings of ugliness into feelings of beauty and strength.
I now transmute feelings of suspicion into feelings of trust and faith.
I now transmute feelings of betrayal into feelings of healing and ascension.
I now transmute feelings of misery and paranoia into feelings of balance and liberation.
I now transmute the past and use it's power to heal myself now.
I LOve My Beautiful Body. Om and Goodnight...
Love and Light-
Tuesday May
I am not a certified nutritionist, doctor or therapist.
Please consult your healthcare professional before participating in any
lifestyle changes you may feel are questionable to your health.
I am not responsible for any action you resume. You are- Make it pleasurable.
© Tuesday May Thomas 2013
