Monday, November 11, 2013

You Are a Self Fulfulling Prophesy

Are you unhappy because you talk too much about how unhappy you are? (this is not a trick question) Are you unmotivated because you affirm how lazy and tired you are all the time? Do you feel overweight, unhappy in your body-shape, or unhealthy in general- because you are on autopilot of repeating the story about how you just CAN'T do anything to change?

On the phone with a dear friend and she tells me her story- "Yeah, you know, I'm 20 or so pounds overweight. Don't feel so good in my clothes, but can't find the motivation to exercise.. I mean, I just can't. By the time I brush my teeth and get downstairs in the morning... I just end up eating a bag of chips- and thats what happens every time."

A relative who performs very little physical exercise told me she fixed her bicycle, with the intention to exercise regularly. She bought a cycling helmet, cycling shorts and a water bottle, but at the end of the day could not get on the bike. Her story went like this; "It's too cold to cycle in the morning. It's too hot in the afternoon. Once I've eaten lunch, I am too full to exercise. My foot started hurting, so I don't think I should exercise. Now I don' fit into the cycling shorts I bought, so I'm not as excited to cycle."
I remember taking a Yoga Inversion Workshop in 2003, where the focus was on headstand practice.  In the past I would coyly exit class for the restroom to hide whenever my teacher would propose such craziness. But once I became a yoga teacher, I knew I had to conquer my fears and go into the ring of fire- so to speak. The teacher I received my certification with told me it wasn't as important for me to be able to 'do' a headstand, as much as it was for me to guide my students safely through it. This allowed me to feel confident teaching the pose, even if I couldn't perform it quite yet.

After teaching yoga for a year, I wanted to hone in and face my fears. I thought I was afraid to go upside down because I was sure I would fail, or crack my neck, or look stupid, besides the fact I dove into the shallow end of a pool, bumped my head and got a concussion when I was a kid. What I came to realize at the workshop was; I had some deep seated fears to work out in my mind and body. The real fear being- I was really afraid of dredging up feelings of abandonment, and of not feeling supported as a child. How does this connect with headstand you ask? Well, for me, each time I went up into headstand, I wanted someone to be there to catch me if I fell- and would have to relive the feelings of no-one being there for me... like when I was a kid. There was so much hurt inside of me, I didn't want to relive it. I had to come to terms with the fears of my inner child. The fears I felt went deeper than worrying about looking stupid.

During headstand- my most dreaded pose at the time, the workshop teacher came over and guided me through the 'set-up'. Scared, I came out of the pose before getting into it- stating my story (what I repeated often when it came to confronting this pose). I said; "Theres no point, I'm never gonna get up into a headstand.. and if I do, I will loose my balance, fall over and hurt someone, or hurt myself. I need someone there to support me." He became quiet and with a straight face said; "Know you are a self fulfilling prophesy." My eyes widened, my ego felt hurt, and I wanted to walk out. Just then he continued "But that can change, if you change your story." Whoaaa!!! He blew my mind. From that day on, I realized in order to allow a new experience into my yoga practice, I had to change my mind- literally- my words had to create a reality where a new possibility could emerge. It also became apparent that learning to welcome the changes I proposed for my body was important too.

 It's deep. I encourage you to go down the rabbit hole of your own resistance, and you may just find a dark corner awaiting a spring cleaning and purging of the past so it may be filled with light, love and a new means of expression.

Over the years, I learned how to perform a headstand with confidence - and that meant I had to get over all my self loathing about it. I also had to get over feeling like no-one was there for me as a child and learn to love myself in the NOW, instead of walking wounded from the PAST. It meant I had to applaud myself at overcoming a long held fear- and applaud others too. It meant I had to be successful and shine. Are you afraid of being successful? Fearful of meeting the childhood you, and all the fear and hurt within that part of you? Are you resistant to feeling what true self confidence feels like? Can you humbly exude power in new ways that make you feel good, happy and strong in your body, mind and life?

Our words limit us, or liberate us. They create the stories we believe about our lives. Our stories create the blueprint we either expand or contract through. What is your current story regarding your body/physical health/exercise routine? Do you hear yourself saying; "My body just does not want to get up and move. I have no motivation to be healthy. You see- here I am on the couch procrastinating again. I hate my body. I don't have enough money to get better/be well." Or, do you say " I'm gonna do my best to meet some new goals, like do some yoga every week, or walk a mile a couple times a week- or just love myself a little more. Yeah, I'm gonna stop buying chips so they are not a distraction from starting my workout routine at home."

What is your current story regarding your work situation? Do you hear yourself saying " I am so grateful for all of the amazing opportunities and possibilities that are here/that await me." Or "I can't stand the people I work with, they annoy me to death. I hate my job, it sucks. I will never get a good job. People my age never get hired anymore."

What is your current story regarding your current relationship? Do you hear yourself saying; "I knew I would end up being betrayed again.. See I told you so- I knew it. I'll never find someone special. I am so insecure." Or, "I am so ready for a new experience in my next relationship. One I feel loved and respected in. Yes- that is what will happen. I expect the best- and deserve it!"

We state our story and have a lot of past experiences to back up the theory's of self too, saying "You see- I told you so".... Why do we limit ourselves? It's not necessarily because we are lazy, procrastinators, or our foot hurts. It's because when we change one thing, it affects everything else- and it is linked to the past, overcoming it- healing it and making peace with it. Can you allow yourself to succeed in new and exciting ways? Why not consider shifting the story of limitation, laziness and illness - into beauty, strength and empowerment? Can you be and feel empowered by your words, by your story?

Maybe we are in a situation in life, by which if changed would mean a lot of other things in our life would have to change, including how much love we allow in and we give out. Bottom line is this is all about self love. It's not about doing the perfect headstand, loosing twenty pounds or wining a cycling marathon. It's about choosing love over fear. What if fear is what kept us anchored to the past, while love catapulted us into an amazing future of possibilities?

Changing your mind, and changing your story-  requires letting go of the old story of self, specifically the parts that are afraid, inhibit your growth and personal power. The new you is cool, is patient and will let the old you take them back to the even older you (the child you) so that you can prove why (the now) you are so afraid to allow change to occur. It is here you will understand what is seeking healing and closure. Ultimately, if you let it- the new you can take the old you by the hand and show you some amazing stuff about yourself. Yes they will take you outside your comfort zone and show you how to trust the new words and ways you speak over your life- if you let them.. And your life will forever be changed.

What is your story for today?.. Let me know in the comment section below!

I am not a certified nutritionist, doctor or therapist. 
Please consult your healthcare professional before participating in any
 lifestyle changes you may feel are questionable to your health. 
I am not responsible for any action you resume, You are- Make it pleasurable.
© Tuesday May Thomas 2013

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