I Love My Beautiful Body

I am not a certified nutritionist, doctor or therapist.

Please consult your healthcare professional before participating in any

lifestyle changes you may feel are questionable to your health.

I am not responsible for any action you resume, You are- Make it pleasurable.

Monday, November 11, 2013

You Are a Self Fulfulling Prophesy

©TuesdayMayThomas

Are you unhappy because you talk too much about how unhappy you are? (this is not a trick question) Are you unmotivated because you affirm how lazy and tired you are all the time? Do you feel overweight, unhappy in your body-shape, or unhealthy in general- because you are on autopilot of repeating the story about how you just CAN'T do anything to change?

On the phone with a dear friend and she tells me her story- "Yeah, you know, I'm 20 or so pounds overweight. Don't feel so good in my clothes, but can't find the motivation to exercise.. I mean, I just can't. By the time I brush my teeth and get downstairs in the morning... I just end up eating a bag of chips- and thats what happens every time."

A relative who performs very little physical exercise told me she fixed her bicycle, with the intention to exercise regularly. She bought a cycling helmet, cycling shorts and a water bottle, but at the end of the day could not get on the bike. Her story went like this; "It's too cold to cycle in the morning. It's too hot in the afternoon. Once I've eaten lunch, I am too full to exercise. My foot started hurting, so I don't think I should exercise. Now I don' fit into the cycling shorts I bought, so I'm not as excited to cycle."

I remember taking a Yoga Inversion Workshop in 2003, where the focus was on headstand practice. In the past I would coyly exit class for the restroom to hide whenever my teacher would propose such craziness. But once I became a yoga teacher, I knew I had to conquer my fears and go into the ring of fire- so to speak. The teacher I received my certification with told me it wasn't as important for me to be able to 'do' a headstand, as much as it was for me to guide my students safely through it. This allowed me to feel confident teaching the pose, even if I couldn't perform it quite yet.

After teaching yoga for a year, I wanted to hone in and face my fears. I thought I was afraid to go upside down because I was sure I would fail, or crack my neck, or look stupid, besides the fact I dove into the shallow end of a pool, bumped my head and got a concussion when I was a kid. What I came to realize at the workshop was; I had some deep seated fears to work out in my mind and body. The real fear being- I was really afraid of dredging up feelings of abandonment, and of not feeling supported as a child. How does this connect with headstand you ask? Well, for me, each time I went up into headstand, I wanted someone to be there to catch me if I fell- and would have to relive the feelings of no-one being there for me... like when I was a kid. There was so much hurt inside of me, I didn't want to relive it. I had to come to terms with the fears of my inner child. The fears I felt went deeper than worrying about looking stupid.

During headstand- my most dreaded pose at the time, the workshop teacher came over and guided me through the 'set-up'. Scared, I came out of the pose before getting into it- stating my story (what I repeated often when it came to confronting this pose). I said; "Theres no point, I'm never gonna get up into a headstand.. and if I do, I will loose my balance, fall over and hurt someone, or hurt myself. I need someone there to support me." He became quiet and with a straight face said; "Know you are a self fulfilling prophesy." My eyes widened, my ego felt hurt, and I wanted to walk out. Just then he continued "But that can change, if you change your story." Whoaaa!!! He blew my mind. From that day on, I realized in order to allow a new experience into my yoga practice, I had to change my mind- literally- my words had to create a reality where a new possibility could emerge. It also became apparent that learning to welcome the changes I proposed for my body was important too.

It's deep. I encourage you to go down the rabbit hole of your own resistance, and you may just find a dark corner awaiting a spring cleaning and purging of the past so it may be filled with light, love and a new means of expression.

Over the years, I learned how to perform a headstand with confidence - and that meant I had to get over all my self loathing about it. I also had to get over feeling like no-one was there for me as a child and learn to love myself in the NOW, instead of walking wounded from the PAST. It meant I had to applaud myself at overcoming a long held fear- and applaud others too. It meant I had to be successful and shine. Are you afraid of being successful? Fearful of meeting the childhood you, and all the fear and hurt within that part of you? Are you resistant to feeling what true self confidence feels like? Can you humbly exude power in new ways that make you feel good, happy and strong in your body, mind and life?

Our words limit us, or liberate us. They create the stories we believe about our lives. Our stories create the blueprint we either expand or contract through. What is your current story regarding your body/physical health/exercise routine? Do you hear yourself saying; "My body just does not want to get up and move. I have no motivation to be healthy. You see- here I am on the couch procrastinating again. I hate my body. I don't have enough money to get better/be well." Or, do you say " I'm gonna do my best to meet some new goals, like do some yoga every week, or walk a mile a couple times a week- or just love myself a little more. Yeah, I'm gonna stop buying chips so they are not a distraction from starting my workout routine at home."

What is your current story regarding your work situation? Do you hear yourself saying " I am so grateful for all of the amazing opportunities and possibilities that are here/that await me." Or "I can't stand the people I work with, they annoy me to death. I hate my job, it sucks. I will never get a good job. People my age never get hired anymore."

What is your current story regarding your current relationship? Do you hear yourself saying; "I knew I would end up being betrayed again.. See I told you so- I knew it. I'll never find someone special. I am so insecure." Or, "I am so ready for a new experience in my next relationship. One I feel loved and respected in. Yes- that is what will happen. I expect the best- and deserve it!"

We state our story and have a lot of past experiences to back up the theory's of self too, saying "You see- I told you so".... Why do we limit ourselves? It's not necessarily because we are lazy, procrastinators, or our foot hurts. It's because when we change one thing, it affects everything else- and it is linked to the past, overcoming it- healing it and making peace with it. Can you allow yourself to succeed in new and exciting ways? Why not consider shifting the story of limitation, laziness and illness - into beauty, strength and empowerment? Can you be and feel empowered by your words, by your story?

Maybe we are in a situation in life, by which if changed would mean a lot of other things in our life would have to change, including how much love we allow in and we give out. Bottom line is this is all about self love. It's not about doing the perfect headstand, loosing twenty pounds or wining a cycling marathon. It's about choosing love over fear. What if fear is what kept us anchored to the past, while love catapulted us into an amazing future of possibilities?

Changing your mind, and changing your story- requires letting go of the old story of self, specifically the parts that are afraid, inhibit your growth and personal power. The new you is cool, is patient and will let the old you take them back to the even older you (the child you) so that you can prove why (the now) you are so afraid to allow change to occur. It is here you will understand what is seeking healing and closure. Ultimately, if you let it- the new you can take the old you by the hand and show you some amazing stuff about yourself. Yes they will take you outside your comfort zone and show you how to trust the new words and ways you speak over your life- if you let them.. And your life will forever be changed.

What is your story for today?.. Let me know in the comment section below!

©TuesdayMayThomas

I am not a certified nutritionist, doctor or therapist.

Please consult your healthcare professional before participating in any

lifestyle changes you may feel are questionable to your health.

I am not responsible for any action you resume, You are- Make it pleasurable.

Saturday, October 19, 2013

Stronger, on the Inside...

©TuesdayMayThomas

Is there something you know you can do- not necessarily as a pro- but at some level, you know what you are doing?- Like maybe you can sing, rock climb, dance, paint or even practice yoga asana (poses)- but when it comes time to take it to the next level, have you been you dismayed at the next level NOT being everything you thought it might be?

Challenge is a great thing... getting out of your comfort zone can be a blast- but what if while accepting a challenge, or mingling on the outer limits of your 'comfort zone'- you stumble, fall and make a fool of yourself.... Or worse yet, jump into a flaming hoop of fire, only to realize you are giving it your all, but it appears like nothing is happening at all?

Do you know what I mean? Like, you know you love dancing. You have danced for years at night clubs, and in front of your friends etc. Finally for the first time in your life- you gather the courage to dance in the middle of a circle of people on a dance floor, and your moves and grooves just aint flyin'.. or you end up not being able to feel the music.

Or maybe after dancing your whole life, wether professionally or at the clubs, you attend a Zumba class for the very first time, you feel cocky, as if your gonna get these moves down easily- but you can hardly repeat any movements the teacher is demonstrating...

Or maybe you've been a runner for years and decide to run in a marathon- expecting to maybe hit the finish line with some kind of a decent time, but end up finishing last.

This leads to a story I want to tell you. Remember the post entitled Fear is Exactly Where I Need to Be? In it I share about a new yoga teacher coming into my life and how scared I am to be her student because I know she will kick my ass. Well as it turns out, my new teacher is amazing and I feel totally safe and expansive in her presence. Don't get me wrong, she still kicks my ass! Yoga students can tell a difference in the classes I share, and so can I. My personal practice is moving into a new level of 'experience' and wisdom- ahhh. The tricky thing is; after practicing yoga asana for over twenty years, and upon attending a Handstand workshop with my new beloved teacher, I felt miserably humbled.

Okay, lets check the ego at the door.. For sure. That said- I thought I would have fun, learn new ways to approach the 'handstand pose' with my new teacher- and maybe even kick up into some Handstands. I was super excited to be in her presence and do some dynamic yoga stuff... But NO. No Handstand for me. We learned anatomical awareness- which is important. And a bunch of 'drills' to prep us for handstand. What I learned, or had a very hard time learning, took me completely out of my comfort zone. I could not understand what was presented- the information was so new to my brain and body, it was like listening to a foreign language. I had no idea how to process it, never mind understand it. I got frustrated at not being able to do half of the drills. With fifty or so students participating, I glance around and see other yogis (not even yoga teacher yogis) taking off- into ascension, their legs lifting elegantly and silently up to the sky, while my feet remain firmly grounded to the Earth. They did not grunt or breathe heavily, while I remain bent forward , breaking a sweat and making no 'movement' at all! In a frustrated moment- I actually found myself looking at the clock, wanting to leave. I felt embarrassed and hoped no one knew I was a yoga teacher.

Ughhhh.... My ego is blunted due to expectations of body and mind. As a yoga teacher of over twenty years, I assume to be able to do at least some of the stuff being taught, and while I'm at it- show my new teacher how talented I am (ego). But instead my butt is left in the dust, feeling heavy, with no levitation activation!

Driving home I am super aware of all the feelings going on inside. In the past I would have cried my way home on the highway, beating my self up for not doing better. During the final relaxation/savasana portion of the workshop, I even had a vision of just that. But instead, there is a lack of falling tears, accompanied by a lack of self loathing and misery. The disappointing thing for my ego was that I know how to kick up into handstand in at least three ways, but my teacher was not showing us how 'kick up'. She taught us a very different approach to 'lifting off' into a zero gravity zone, one that my booty had never been challenged by before. While I underwent an ego adjustment at the workshop for sure, and I was not the happiest camper afterwards- I definitely felt a different energy consume me. It was not the usual depression or self hate. It was a new sensation I could not identify at first.

After a good nights sleep, I awoke with aching muscles I never knew I had. This was a sign that I had indeed pushed myself into new territory. Though it looked like I was not even 'trying' at the workshop, a new mapping of muscle and mind was taking place. I realized how hard I was on myself and my body. I placed so many expectations upon myself, that when nothing happened the way I presumed it would, my ego came crashing down. It's a good thing. We all need some gravity to keep us in check. besides, if everything was a breeze, and easy 'to get'- there would be no challenge, no growth.

All in all, There is a humbling awareness that has permeated my being, allowing me to rest in the innocence of always being a student, even while being a teacher. The new sensation I could not identify was a new founded inner strength I never felt before. All of the positive affirmations, practices of self love and acceptance have actually taken root as reality- inside of my body and mind- AND emotional responses and reactions! This is huge... Indeed, I am stronger now than ever before. In the past I would have been crushed at not being able to do any of the physical drills of the workshop. I would have cried myself to sleep and beat my body up about it with negative thoughts. Not anymore. I sucked it up, and instead gave myself a pat on the back for trying something new and applauded my body for going WAY out into a very uncomfortable zone, where gravity appears to be even heavier ( to me, for now..) than here on Earth.

So if you dare to jump into the middle ring of dancers at the club and don't exactly perform a Beyonce sequence, or go to Zumba and fumble your way through, or run a marathon and get to finish line last- the most important thing is you are LIVING, ALIVE and challenging yourself in new ways. After all- you have taken the first step to a new world.. One where you will find things out about yourself you never knew.. like just how strong you are..

Yes, emotionally and mentally I am stronger on the inside.. even if my body has yet to catch up with my emotional and mental strength.. I am stronger on the inside now. You are stronger now too. Self acceptance is a gift of the highest order.. use it lovingly and generously...<3

Love,
Tuesday May

©TuesdayMayThomas

I am not a certified nutritionist, doctor or therapist.

Please consult your healthcare professional before participating in any

lifestyle changes you may feel are questionable to your health.

I am not responsible for any action you resume, You are- Make it pleasurable.

Friday, September 13, 2013

Obsessed with weighing yourself?

About a year ago, I realized my weight was running my life. I'd wake up and weigh myself right away. I'd have a morning BM and weigh myself afterwards. Following this, I'd go to the gym and weigh myself there before working out, and then again after working out. And because I was never sure if the scale at the gym was accurate, I'd weigh myself again upon returning home. The whole cycle would continue the following day. I was rarely happy with my body, and was constantly judging it by how much it weighed. If the number was higher than my 'norm', I would begin feeling heavy- even if it was only two-three pounds. If I appeared to have lost a couple of pounds, I was over the moon, and would literally feel lighter.

Consider the following questions and see if you can answer them honestly.

Are you obsessed with your weight?

Do you have one, or more weighing scales in your house, and do you use them both daily?

Do you get depressed when you've gained a couple pounds, and happy when you've lost a few?

Does your weight govern how you see yourself and your body?

Even if you wake up feeling positive about your body image, can the number on the scale change the way you perceive your body?

If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then perhaps you can consider taking a break from the scales. I know, I know- it's a crazy idea, especially if you are hooked. But some addictions are good to break. Let me give you a bit of my back story. One year ago I started to take my body seriously. I began working out with a trainer and during the winter of 2012, I completed a fast of almost forty days. It was the third winter-time fast in a row of dramatic fasting I did. See my blog Confessions of a Spiritual Apprentice http://confessionsofaspiritualapprentice.blogspot.com/2012_10_01_archive.html

Yes, I lost tons of weight, but I also lost a lot of muscle, muscle-tone and physical strength. I had laid off of working out with my trainer because I had no energy. At forty years old, my skin was sagging and loose fitting. With so much weight loss, yes- my clothes did fit better on my body. But when I took them off, I hated my weak and lifeless form.

I struggled with this for many months. I slowly gained weight back and my addiction to 'checking in' with the scales began. I knew my daily diet would surely cause me to gain weight back. I got into working with my trainer again, and watched what I was eating. I decided tightening my skin, and building muscle tone would be my focus. The more I worked out, the more I became impatient about seeing physical results. My body didn't seem to be changing soon enough for me, so I relied on the weighing scale to tell me how to feel.

Over many months, I started to see results. My shape started finding a new form. I was finally seeing muscle tone and feeling stronger in new ways. I would weigh myself in hopes of weighing less. Some days I would drop a couple pounds- but some days my weight wouldn't budge at all. I have now realized a few things:

1) Muscle weighs more than fat, so if you are loosing fat and building muscle, you may not see a significant shift in your weight.

2) You can add up to three pounds over night- to your normal, or comfortable weight by eating a heavily salted meal. A lot of salt causes the body to hold more water, which equals more weight.

3) If I ate a large- (even healthy) meal, I would weigh more directly afterwards.

4) I would always weigh less after a health BM (bowel movement)

Your body weight fluctuates all the time. get used to it and put the scale away. If your mission is to purposely loose a lot of weight, please do so safely.. and then maybe put the scale away if you can.

After doing my internal work of re-patterning how I think about my body, and changing negative thoughts to positive ones. I stopped trying to loose more and more weight- and started to tighten and tone my body from where my body was naturally. I love to eat and my boyfriend is a cook, so there is no getting around starving myself. Besides, I want to enjoy a good quality of life with good food as a regular way of life. Don't you?

Okay, heres the deal.. Rather than looking at your body, or weighing it to decide on how to feel about it- decide to pay more attention to how you feel in your clothing. You may be shaping up beautifully, but missing the boat if your eyes are glued to the numbers on the scale. You may have lost inches from all of the hard work you are doing, but if you don't take time to acknowledge it, you will be stuck relying on the numbers game. You are wearing a Beautiful Body- right now! Chances are, If you've been watching what you eat and working out... you have indeed shape shifted your form. So give yourself permission to embrace your body, applaud your discipline and be grateful for the body you have. I know, sometimes we get off track and this can be a great excuse to be hard on ourselves. Do not let this ruin all the work you have done to this point. Pat yourself on the back, dust yourself off and get back into dance, cardio, bodysculpt- or boxing class!

If your ok with not loosing a bunch of weight, but are interested in loosing inches... I highly recommend taking up yoga- besides creating a sleeker form, it will increase the balance and harmony of your mind/body/spirit. The more you do- the longer and leaner your body will become. 'Yoga strong' is a whole different type of physical strong that focuses on creating longer muscles by using your own body weight to play from. Here is one of my yoga videos below- watch and see if it is something you would enjoy. In closing, if you are indeed addicted to the scales, try- jut for one day, one week, one month, putting it out of sight. Tell your Beautiful Body how much you appreciate it and exhale deeply into letting go of your weight. Let it fluctuate- maybe a little, maybe a lot.. you are human after all.

With Love,

Tuesday May Thomas

Yoga Hip Opener Mini Flow with Tuesday May

©TuesdayMayThomas

I am not a certified nutritionist, doctor or therapist.

Please consult your healthcare professional before participating in any

lifestyle changes you may feel are questionable to your health.

I am not responsible for any action you resume, You are- Make it pleasurable.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Beauty, It's an 'Inside Job'

BEAUTY

More than what you wear, and how you wear it.
More than the size or shape of your body, and how you 'work' your body.
It's how you wear self-love on the inside most of all.

So the negative self-talk has started again eh? Yep- because you gave into it a day ago. Ah ha, you let one harmful thought begin and it has multiplied. Now you are letting more and more negative thoughts slip through and rule your space and time. I know you know-whatever you spend time thinking about is gonna start 'blinking' it's way into your reality. Right through your very eyes. You will be making movies of what you think about in your mind. You will either create pictures of limitation, and perhaps self violence- or expansion, love and joy. How many years have you beaten yourself up and re-played the same fears over and over and over? And how many times have you let go, thinking this is it. "I am finally free..", only to be revisited by a quaking reality that stirs and entraps your self confidence and beats it down until your sense of self is dulled and timid?

Be a Master of Your Time and Space. Stop. Now. - How> First of all- Breathe.

Ok, heres the secret; feeling beautiful, being beautiful, and radiating 'beautiful energy' is an inside job. Yes, exercise and a healthy-diet help, but maintaining the essence of beauty is a full time job directly connected to where we allow our thoughts to meander. Feeling beautiful gets easier the more we practice and try on what 'feeling beautiful' feels like to us. Each person may experience it differently.

Feeling beautiful can become a self sustaining reality, if we are disciplined in honoring the god or goddess within on a regular basis. Gifting yourself a spiritual tune-up when your personal vehicle, or body~mind gives you a sign it's time for a check-up is vital.. You may be riding high, feeling confident and free and then all of the sudden a shudder, a light within starts to blink. You may try to ignore it, but the issue won't go away until you have dealt with it. Just like the car you drive- maintenance is what you do for your car-right? An oil change every so many miles, maybe you need new tires, or the brakes need tending too. To keep your vehicle in a positive motion that will get you around in life hassle free- you gotta take care of it. In terms of the body~mind vehicle, you gotta do the work to keep the mind in a positive motion or non- motion, or else it can become ill, or function at lower ability than its optimum performance. The mind drives the whole movie of life.. Where the mind goes, we go- we follow. What we reach out to with our thoughts and emotions, reaches back to us; be it self-loathing, insecurity, happiness or trust.

JEALOUSY, MISTRUST, BETRAYAL, SUSPICION, INSECURITY, SELF HATE, MISERY, ABUSE, DEPRESSION, DISTORTED BODY IMAGE, INADEQUACY & PARANOIA

If any of the above are part of your mental reality (meaning you spend much of your time thinking about how you are or could become jealous, mistrustful, betrayed, insecure, abused etc), you are being robbed of precious energy, mental strength and emotional stability. It takes just as much energy to concentrate on paranoid delusions, as it does to focus on more positive visions of yourself, life, and world. They each hold POWER, but the difference is, one gives you power and the other takes power away.

As I mentioned here- in my first blog post at 'ILMBB', my ex slept with another woman a week before we were to set the date for our marriage (2010). I have been betrayed by a romantic partner in the past too, and I couldn't help but feel very insecure and angry at myself for letting this happen again.She begged forgiveness and insisted we continue with our marriage plans. After five years of living and loving together, this action threw me for a loop and I had to question whether my partner had a previous record of this behavior. Either way, this was this a sign telling me to walk away and never look back. That I did. And yes, a ton of healing took place. Months of 'day after day' crying, and howling and mourning filed my time. I cried for 'a life' I so deeply thought was the life I would grow into with my ex. But NO. Life had more in store for me. I had to let go and allow the old relationship to die, so my heart and soul could heal and be reborn.

Why is it that those hurts and fear-filled traumas of our past can so easily be reinstated to the forefront of our minds? When I'm feeling weak, one hit of the inner voice saying "Is he looking at other girls?" has the potency to illuminate feelings of inadequacy and self-hate. These feelings and insecurities can harm our relationships, and make us feel not only un-loved, but un-loveable. In order to truly feel the beauty of life and feel beauty from within, we must trust our choices, trust our partners, trust the past is over and done, and trust life's experiences to bring us closer to our true and beautiful self. What we do not have to trust are the voices in our heads that urge us to feel ugly, suspicious and unworthy of experiencing happiness, and beauty from within- and all around us.

There is room for all of us to be beautiful and fierce. Isn't there? YES! Then why so jealous and so afraid? Is it because of the past? Most have been hurt before- some betrayed, two timed, fooled, lied to and abused in some way. That can bring us to a place where we are scared to trust- again. We may do some deep healing, dive into our souls and bring up old matters - and work to resolve them. And just when we are ready to trust again, and open our hearts more- a small incident could unravel all of the hard work done. But it hasn't really, it just rattled a thread that has come loose by your mind allowing negative thoughts inside the sacred temple of your trueself.. Don't get me wrong, where there is a real 'present-time' concern of being hurt by someone you love, you have different choices to make. But when your fear is driven by experiences of the past, and/or the thoughts cast out from a paranoid mind, that is different.

Even though I have a healthy habit of instating positivity into my life at every breath, and even though my physical body is perhaps in the best shape of my life, and even though I have created the man of my dreams, I still stumble into feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and the fear of being betrayed again. No matter how good my new romantic partners are to me, old hurts of the past are ready and willing to pop back into the driving seat and move my life along in painful and limiting ways. Yes, even after mega-healings and ongoing inner work. My past has the power to rob me of my present. Does your past rob you of your present too? For all I/we have healed, there is more still. You may feel it too, and wonder how much longer can it go on- and WHY? Every time pain comes up- every time a painful wave hits, there resides an opportunity to heal from a new angle, perhaps with some new tools, or perspectives. When the shit gets tough on the inside- It is an opportunity for the YOU that is here, now- to become empowered and overcome who you were, or who the Fearful version of yourself tells you- you are. Step up.

Journal Time
Write out a conversation you could imagine in your mind. Hear 'your selves' speaking to each other, one is the Fearful you, and one is the Wise you. Listen in and take notes. You know the voices, they both exist if you listen close enough- one says nice things about you, the other says bad things about you. Write down what you hear. This is what I heard last night:

Fearful Self-
"I feel the past has robbed me of some strength, wisdom or softness I can no longer tap- insecurity looms heavily on my shoulders and I get down on myself. I project my insecurities onto my boyfriend's actions. I am scared he is more attracted to other girls."
Wise Self-
"Why so insecure? Why not relax into your personal power and beauty? What has happened in the past is no longer your truth, unless you allow it to be via your thoughts and projected insecurities. You must 'pen in hand'- write out all of your insecurities and turn them into positivities. Start there, that's a lot. When you get to there- read them aloud and get used to how these new positive thought forms feel. Allow yourself to acclimate to the higher mode of thinking, and you will eventually experience your new word forms as true."
Fearful Self-
"I can't do that, it doesn't matter if I write out this or that, because the past will surely repeat itself, and I will be hurt again. Because when I open my heart, I am betrayed and lied to over and over again. If I can somehow slip out of this relationship, then I wont have to deal with the next surge of these emotional complexities and he can go about his way and find someone more beautiful, attractive and confident. Yes- I will get out now. I will start carving my way out. I will make him/her dis-like me, and he will go away- so I don't have to deal with rejection, pain, father/mother issues, or most of all being betrayed again."
Wise Self-
"You have to stop thinking about these things so much. Place your attention elsewhere, busy yourself in other ways besides focusing on what could go wrong. Especially if there are no reasons for you to feel this way in your current relationship, by all means- pay attention to how you create your reality, and stop the defeating thoughts and words from cycling around and around.- Now go and do your written work; You must write out all of your insecurities and turn them into positivities. Start there. Read them aloud and get used to how these new positive thought forms feel. Allow yourself to acclimate to the higher mode of thinking and you will eventually experience being them too."

Does any of this conversation sound familiar? All of my Fearful Self words of sadness, expectation of the worst, and preferred loneliness -are aspects of an ego based and ego driven mind. When I say ego- I mean the 'I' inside of ME. It's the me me me me that can and does drive us crazy. We gotta catch that crazy bitch/son of a bitch and stop her/him in their tracks. You with me? Just last night I let myself get swept up in a hail storm of negative me me me me thoughts and feelings that started with me having feelings of insecurity and jealousy- that sprang to me hating myself, and having no self esteem or belief in my life - to then questioning why I am here at all. WTF? I was left feeling completely worthless and exhausted- and I was the only one who did it to myself. ME. Yes, the 'I', inside of ME. It's the 'you' inside of YOU too. There's the Fearful version of self- aka the Beast... and the Wise version of self- aka the Beauty. Pick one. Either way, it takes energy to feed and sustain it. With enough ammunition, each can become self sustaining and fulfilling prophecies. "I am ugly, unworthy, unloveable, jealous.." etc will become your reality. You may begin to seek out reasons to FEEL ugly, unworthy, unloveable and jealous- even if it is not true!

Equally; "I am beauty in motion, I trust life, I trust love, I am loved and respected by my partner." -will become your reality. Be it- maybe not with the partner you are with now. Meaning, YOU may not be ready to truly exhibit all of those qualities yet fully- but you are working on it by speaking it so. Or maybe the boyfriend or girlfriend you are with now is the one you will be making some serious breakthroughs with. Lucky you. Do it- express yourself fully, go ahead- get it all out. It takes a warrior to speak truth. Be a Warrior.

Our words and thoughts become real. That's why instilling positive messages into our minds and bodies, while paying attention to the words we speak over our selves and lives- can truly help to keep us FAR from the edge of hanging out with the inner Fearful 'Crazy' Beast. Words and thoughts have energy and energy is where beauty resides. Sure, pretty clothing or polished nails and make up can improve one's confidence and self esteem, but when the clothes go back on the hanger and all the make up comes off, who is left standing there? The real, vulnerable- you. Learning to love you is the most challenging and rewarding gift there is, in my view.

Lets do the work=-It's the shadow, the dark side, the Fearful self, the BEAST- that when conquered through choosing LOVE, Beauty, positivity and WISDOM- has no legs to stand on, and ultimately dissolves, giving way to the FREE and BEAUTIFUL YOU.

Transmute- Transform- Empower
Every time pain comes up- there is an opportunity to heal from a new angle, perhaps with new tools. It is an opportunity for the YOU that is here, now- to become empowered and overcome who you were in the past. The mind is a map (or trap). It displays the meeting of time, and 'spaces' throughout life. It acts as a blueprint for all perceived experiences to remain parked. Even when everything is perfect and flowing, would you find a reason to project negativity or fear-filled expectations into the backdrop of it all?

In the words of the 'Wise' voice-
"Now go and do your written work; You must write out all of your insecurities and turn them into positivities. Start there. Read them aloud and get used to how these new positive thought forms feel. Allow yourself to acclimate to the higher mode of thinking and you will eventually experience being them too."
Write out all of your insecurities and turn them into positivities. Remember, it's an inside job.
Here is how I got started:

I now transmute feelings of jealousy and insecurity into feelings of self-love and self acceptance.
I now transmute feelings of self hate into feelings of forgiveness of self and others.
I now transmute feelings of ugliness into feelings of beauty and strength.
I now transmute feelings of suspicion into feelings of trust and faith.
I now transmute feelings of betrayal into feelings of healing and ascension.
I now transmute feelings of misery and paranoia into feelings of balance and liberation.
I now transmute the past and use it's power to heal myself now.

I LOve My Beautiful Body. Om and Goodnight...
Love and Light-
Tuesday May